Kill me... Kill me.. If you can.. Plesae

KILL ME… KILL ME… IF YOU CAN


Prof Dr Colonel (retired) K Prabhakar Rao

Other day, I was talking to a friend over phone who served with me in a Battalion probably nearly thirty years ago. After few minutes, I learnt that one of my colleagues a major those days passed away few years ago. I think he reached the rank of only major when he suddenly died. I felt very sad to hear the news. He was a jolly guy going easy and jovial too. This guy was in the Head Quarters as the technical officer preparing various reports and returns and was taking care of the technical cell at the battalion Head Quarters. The commanding officer (CO) was a staff college type from Wellington. This is not Wellington of UK. This is at Nilgiris in South India. Some officers of all services, who are interested, go for a course at Staff College after getting through a stiff competition. Thus, these officers consider themselves as elite group within services and some of them suffer from a misplaced phobia. Such officers have an advantage of getting postings outside the corps in administrative vacancies.
These officers are expected to be good at drafting as perceived by them. Some are really good. I found them uttering the word Wellington at least once in every conversation to make sure that other guy knows that he is a staff college type. They expect all birds around them sing “When I was in Wellington…Oh Wellington… Oh Wellington”. Some of these guys are just marginal. But there is always big air inflated within them. This guy was a staff college type and claimed to be a gold medalist in essay writing. Now and then he used to remind others about his gold medal. My friend who expired some years ago was a Punjabi (Major X) and slightly weak in English. His drafting was not that really good. He yet made good efforts to put up good drafts struggling day and night. Every time his draft was rejected, torn off and the CO gave him a good shouting making gestures. This was a regular affair and daily drama. Major X was a robust personality nearly six feet tall and with good physique. CO was half of his size and appeared to be David in front of Goliath. Things went on like this. Once in a week Major X used to suffer hyper tension aggravated by the tensions at the office. We could see the declining health in Major X in those days itself. The miserable conditions at the office took a toll on his health, I surely feel even today although his bulk too contributed to it partly.
I was at far away unit amidst jungles and hills at the borders in treacherous and inhospitable conditions. Once in a while, I used to go to the Battalion Head Quarters in Jeep and see the CO, discuss any problems and seek guidance. Probably we Company commanders received more admonishing than any guidance in those days. I thought it was a set plan to keep us on toes all the time. We were happier in our wretched god forbidden places in field amidst leeches and mosquitoes and all types of creatures than to be near the Head Quarters where there was no peace of any sort for any one. Major X was helpless as he had no place to go except the Head Quarters. He was destined to suffer in silence. Whenever I went to the battalion Major X was very happy as I mixed with every one and the captains were very happy with me as I was jovial and had no air of superiority of rank in me. Once I came down to the Head Quarters on some urgent work and CO was busy writing some thing as usual and I sat in Adjutants room that is next to the CO’s room. There was a small window between CO’s room and the Adjutant’s room. The adjutant was a youngster of rank of 2/Lt fresh from the training school. After some time, I heard a commotion and through window I saw CO kneeling in front of Major X and with raised and spread hands was shouting Kill me.. Kill me.. If you can… please”.
I just could not make out any thing. I thought it appeared to be a scene from Shakespeare drama. Adjutant was equally perplexed. With in minutes, Major X came out of the room sweating and went to his chamber and dropped down in his chair. CO also went back to his chair with a red face trembling. I had no intention of meeting CO at that moment and thought it wise to be away from him. I went to Major X trying to calm him down and I enquired what was going on. I asked him whether they were practicing a drama for the coming Corps day function. Major X said, “No sir nothing like that. This guy is just after my blood. It is almost a year I am here in this chair. Not a single day I had peace. I am tired. My health is sinking… I shall die soon here”. “But what went wrong now?” I asked. “Sir in the morning I took the report made after struggling for a week and this guy hardly saw it and flung it in my face and I lost control. I said, “Sir! This now too much. Enough of it had all these days. I shall kill you… and go to jail”, he said. “Come on relax!. Don’t be silly” I consoled. I could understand the situation now that I saw in the room of the CO. When the CO heard Major X telling him that he would kill him, He got excited immediately, got up and went to him and kneeling in front of him and spreading hands said, “Kill me … Kill me .. If you can.. Please”. That was the real English Shakespeare drama enacted. After some time, the nerves cooled down. I met the CO next day and pleaded mercy for Major X. The CO probably understood the situation and called Major X and asked him to sit down. He said, Major X! You really want to kill me? Why? Am I that bad”. Major X looking down said “ No sir, It was momentary impulse. I lost cool. How can I think? You are my CO. I am sorry sir”. The whole air eased out. CO called for tea and some snacks. He asked Major X to go on leave for few days and to relax. For change, the CO was nice to me too and asked my welfare and about my men, children and asked me to look after myself and my men well. “Any problem”, he asked I was much relieved and next day drove back to my place in the early hours with a composed mind after several months.
After a year, I was posted out of the place and the CO was also posted out earlier. We lost contact with each other. The service also came to end after few years once I decided to leave. I learnt about the death of Major X few years ago and I felt sad. Definitely his tenure in that battalion took his life away from him at young age. I prayed that his soul should rest in peace. It is very tragic that career of some is suddenly cut short by some funny guys who unknowingly do great damage to others. Everything goes under the cover of uniform and discipline. That is the tragedy of uniformed services. Many lives go under the carpet.

Dr K Prabhakar Rao