Tuesday, March 31, 2009



Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao (Retired)

In fact, there have been deliberate, determined, well planned and sustained efforts in the past to denigrate army in the society. Movies have contributed in this direction to a great extent. In many movies, a colonel or major is shown as a comic figure and joker. He keeps fiddling his 12 bore gun very often and keep saying I shall shoot you often as if there is jungle law in the country. Some times, retired army colonels chase thieves with a pistol in the hand and running in market. They are shown with Golf caps in full suit even at home and walk with a walking stick of Victorian era. Some times, they are shown blowing air frequently in to the barrels of pistols. Some times retired army officers are also shown wearing uniform with full medals at home. A real mockery indeed! Some times, a retired major and retired Superintendant of police keep fighting ( friendly of course). Generals are shown with large moustache and laugh loudly ha…haa… heee…heee…huuu…huuu..ow…oww..oww and doing nothing. They are always in full service dress with peak cap all the time. Only the cranky director knows why. Army officers are shown driving Lambretta scooters as they could not afford better transport in earlier days. A district collector is shown as king. Funny looking youngsters are shown in DIG uniform and kid looking guys sport SSP uniform indirectly denigrating army and its officers. Systematically army has been reduced to pittance over these years while service officers lived in false world of their own under the garb of regimental traditions feeling happy over dinner nites and ladies nites. It is army’s fault. Cadre review they accepted and pulled rug under their own carpet and burnt their own boat mid seas. Colonel’s uniform was degraded while police upgraded themselves. Untold damage has been accepted by top brass who have retired now and have gone untraced. Slowly top lids of officers are opening. They are seeing how damage has been done and now they understood how they have been fooled all these years. The current turmoil is the result. Yet there are many service guys who think talking all these is rubbish and live in their own world. They also condemn such people as frustrated and condemned men without realizing that it is mostly other way. Where it is written that army has to be a holy cow to be slaughtered and screwed by each and every one in India? Why all army should accept all nonsense in terms of equations, precedence, pay that stand no logic. Recently Ashok Chakras given after Bombay attacks have revealed how the other side has degenerated. It has shown how the other side could stoop down to promote their own men ( With all due apologies to the fallen men). Think of Kargil martyrs and many young officers who have died in Kashmir ever since fighting Jihadis in Kashmir and the insurgents at other places like Nagaland, Manipur, Assam. How many fallen men have been honored? One could probably count on fingers. Did they not deserve highest awards? Many have disappeared unsung. All of a sudden some guys who got shot in vehicles without even drawing the weapon are believed to have displayed great valor and are given the Ashok Chakra and it shows where army stands to day. The apathy of Army top Brass in recommending awards to own officers on various counts such as VSM for good work done reveals own short comings of the establishment. While army tried to cut own wings the other side flourished. It grew new wings. Why then expect and cry that best guys are not coming to join army? Why should they, to put things straight? It is no more a no. 1 service now,. Army has to assert and regain its place in the country. It is no doubt a difficult task. Some one says in future no more army will be required . Very high tech war is fore seen and army is expected to become irrelevant. Then who will hold ground after wars? Will these babus with pen and pencils, sharpener and a rubber? It is only the soldier who finally ensures the safety of the nation. Nehru believed that army was no more required because he thought that India after following much publicized panch sheel would be safe in the world. He was happily stabbed in back by the Chinese leaders. Chinese have swallowed our land that we can never regain. He also said in Parliament over a debate during Chinese debacle that not even a blade of grass grows there ( Occupied land).A stalwart like Ram Manohar Lohia in Parliament had to tell him that On his ( Nehru) head too nothing grew. With such leader presiding over India’s destiny at most crucial times, army has been degraded to a very low level. Why cry hoarse? Army has to assert itself very strongly. Its future lies in it or systematically it would be turned into a home guards force. Day is not far off. Think of a Home guard constable on the street, one will get answer about what is in waiting in days to come.

Tom Dick and Harry in India can fight for pay
But services can not do.. do not know why
Murky game of denigrating services appears to be the aim
For ills and failures of these guys ,army they blame
Army is seen as holy cow to be butchered
that is to lower head and get slaughtered
All these sundry guys are now with the butchers knife
And they feel army guys in India have to have no life
They forget that they are safe by virtue of Army
And their kids sleep cozy in arms of nanny
Army’s blood flows down the ravines in this land
While the civilian babus play their tricky brass band
The guys have to soon wake up and remove their hood
And India does not belong to only this dead wood
All have the right to demand their rights
After having set right their loosing sights
Once on a boat army guys travelling were few
They some how loosened a vital ship screw
They had however had no inkling and clue in waiting
While the sea finally into her fold drew all along with the crew

The present generation who are writing cock and bull stories condemning Armed forces are clueless what war is. In spite of so much technological development America is fighting purely conventional war in Afghanistan and Iraq. Man is still mot important on all these wars. Can a Tank be driven by remote and win battles. Only a fool would think so. Talk of high tech war by these self acclaimed pseudo strategists is all ….. better say less….When every one on the earth can ask for more why not army? Is it because they are bound by army act? No one gets any thing free in army and army guy pays for everything. Can any one think of civil servants paying when they visit camps and all is free for them? Think of army officers visiting Delhi on some duties. Except some senior officers, most of them run around for accommodation and transport. During my service, I had to rough it out on old Lambretta scooter to army head Quarters. I could afford only that. No transport was provided by the unit. Can an IAS or IPS guy go on scooter even if he is the junior most? Let these people who are writing about army negatively take up arms and fight the jihadis and stay in Siachin and Naga land, Along or Nathula. Then they understand what is uniform like. Till then this nonsense talk goes on.

In democracy, army has to stay behind as believed by every one and that has been the practice. The civilian leaders who get elected to the parliament through elections ( Pseudo and debatable )become masters and decision makers. Some win by booth capturing and spending money. It is OK and accepted in a democracy in whatever form it is. Usually committees are formed for taking major and vital decisions. However, most of the times the top executive like Prime Minister of the country decides the policy and minister of external affairs and the coterie beats the drum and pipe band in tune singing…yes sir…yes sir… three bags full. If we recall Pandit ( Wise man? ) Nehruvian times, the decisions were mostly believed to be his own based on his futuristic thinking supposed to be the wisest. He was considered a visionary. But his vision brought India great misfortune in the form of Chinese war. His lop sided decision on relations with China is well known and it boomeranged. His cockeyed policy of Kashmir calling for ceasefire when Indian army was at the verge of regaining entire Kashmir from Pakistan has converted Kashmir into a shit pot. Now entire country is being engulfed by the shit pot in the form of Jihad. Armed force’s plea for better equipment for modernization went unheeded. The results are very clear. The country was subjected to the most humiliating insult at the hands of PLA ( Peoples liberation of Army) that can never be forgotten and neither we are in a position to erase the insult by any means. It would be mocking at us every time. This gives food for thought for the wisdom of leaving the security of country entirely into the hands of whimsical self glorified glory hunters running after Nobel prizes that invariably landed the country in to trouble. On the other hand, consider Indira Gandhi’s times. Manekshaw had his say in conduct of 1971 war. Yet earlier, General Timmayya had no say in 1962 war and the greatest rift between Army and MOD ( minister of Defence) took place. Timmy has gone down the history as the greatest General we had while Krishna Menon brought no glory to himself who landed the nation in dire straits. Although it would be disliked by the leaders and Babus the need for involving Defence forces in the matters of taking decisions on the matters of national Defence and security, it is very important and this would be greatly condemned and resisted by the babus who have no clue of military matters. They would also attribute motives to the sane idea. Army may not be politicized where they can call shots as is being done in Pakistan. But they must have a role to play in planning national security. Bombay attack is a an eye opener. What was coast guard doing that is entrusted with coastal security? They are mostly busy comparing themselves with Navy as Police men and Para military forces do in comparison to army copying rank badges, sword and uniform, flags, star plates, officers messes, Darbars, sainik Sammelans and parades. The fact is that these secondary much glorified forces are wasting time in such meaning less self elevation tricks than making the country secure. It is time army, Navy and Air force become part of decision making process in matters of national security. The usual meetings of Joint Chief of Staff and Chiefs of Staff with PM or President appears to be an eye wash and ceremonial with no consequences except for official records and for keeping the senior guys in good humour.

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Monday, March 30, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( retired)

( The election fever has started. The roads in Hyderabad are full of flags , banners, and there are scores of guys driving Motor cycles with flags tied to it and they are going here and there. In some places the driver rides the bike while pillion rider holds the flag. All are appearing bright. Gandhi, Nehru and Patel are seen crossing road at LB Nagar in Hyderabad.)

Gnadhi. Jawahar lal. I find the roads are very busy. How we are going to cross?

Nehru. Please do not get panicky Bapu. We are there the help you. You just relax.

( In the mean time a group of motor cyclists swarm the area and they drive at breakneck speed and stop in front of Gandhi with flags while one guy named Shiva is almost about to hit Bapu)

Gandhi. Eee..eee..eee.. Bach gaya ( Saved) Bhai. Is this way you drive on the road?

Shiva. How should I drive? This is the only way to drive in Hyderabad.

Nehru. Look friend. It looks you do not have any concern for others safety.

Shiva. Kya bolta hai? (What are you saying?) You fool! Old man. Behave your self

Nehru (taken back) Oh Bhai! Why are you so rude? Is this the way you treat your elders? I am like your grandfather.

Shiva. But you are not my Grand father. You are only like that.

Patel. But Look! Driving on road does not mean you can climb over others.

Shiva. Look! Today we are all busy in canvassing. We have no time; We have to cover so many places. You will not understand.

Gandhi. Look son! Do you know for whom you are canvassing?

Shiva ( A bit confused). Please do not call me son. I have my own father. That does not matter. We have been asked to go around with these flags of party for full day covering at least 150 KM in city

Patel. Can you do?

Shiva. We shall try.

( There is a traffic jam and all vehicles are blocked. Gandhi and trio are unable to cross over. Shiva and others are relaxed now and park the vehicles on the road and sit on their parked bikes. Shiva picks up a small bottle of liquor and gulps few sips and hands over it to his friend.)

Gandhi. Ram…ram… What a state? Look Patel they are drinking on the road in public place.

Patel What is new in this Bapu. Be happy they are not forcing you to drink.

Gandhi. If that is so let us move from this place

Nehru. Bapu, We just can not move. It is jammed.

Patel. Look Mr Shiva. You said you do not know for whom you are convassing? Why are you doing this then in this hot sun

Shiva. Oh Bhai! It is for money. Money makes you do all things. At least we are thieving.

Nehru. How you are benefitted by this

Shiva. The party agent contacts us and we have our own bikes. The deal is struck. Daily we get Rs 250 for canvassing. They would provide flag, cap, arm band and some time T shirt with party colors. They give us four liters of Petrol for our mobikes. We also get full plate Mutton Biryani in lunch.

Patel. So good. That keeps you happy

Shiva. Yeah. What else we want? We also get some recognition. Our name is alos registered as active participant who has worked for the party. Ho knows in future we stand some chance in party. We slowly become Galli leaders.

Gandhi. What is this Galli leaders?

Shiva. We become street leaders, We play leading role in small functions such as organizing some bandhs, hunger strikes, Ganesh pooja mandals and erect flags at street corners. We also collect some donations on occasions for party and some functions. Some of us also help people in getting building plans sanctioned from Municipality offices and settling water bills and arrears, We also get them water connections Oh! So many things we do. We also erect photographs at street centers whenever a leader dies. A black flag is also erected by us. We display leadership qualities thus.

Gandhi. So you become popular in your locality in your own way.

Shiva. Yeah..heee…heee…

Shiva. Some of us slowly turn into dadas ( Bullies) and get Hafta also

Gandhi. What is this Hafta?

Shiva. It is mamool ( Illegal money) given weekly once for allowing peace in the locality. ( Sings doing break dance)

I am a street leader and also a goon
These elections come as a great boon
Slowly we turn into leader
Although we can not read a primary reader

People in colonies fear our presence
We thus become a source of nuisance
This is the trait of leadership to day
While sun shines we make hay

Gandhi. Good poems indeed. What a way to become popular and build base for oneself!

Patel. That is the way things work in India.

Gandhi. What a change from our times!

Patel. Forget your times Bapu. Live in present. (Within himself.. I do not know when he would learn)

( In the mean time the traffic jam is cleared and vehicles start moving)

Patel. Look Shiva. Who would ensure that you really covered 150 KM by end of day

Shiva. No one. Some times we just vanish after some hours. Only thing we miss is Biryani. That is given in the evening.

Patel. Look Bapu! I see many educated men getting into this business.

Nehru,. Why not? It is lucrative.

Gandhi. Better we also get into this. We can make some money.

Nehru. We must have mo bikes and know to drive in this crowd

Patel. Better we practice bike driving soon

( The trio slowly cross over and vanish)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Friday, March 27, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

(In heavens, Gandhi is seen lying down in a cot in a small room, ill equipped with poor lighting and ventilation. On the wall a painting of Rama is hung that has gathered dust. In a corner, a Charkha is lying and Gandhis stick is kept at a corner. Gandhi is seen occasionally coughing. He is reading a news paper. A telephone is kept on a stool close to cot… Telephone bell rings.. trin..trin..grr..grrr)

Gandhi. ( Picks up the hand set)eee…eeee… Hello. Gandhi is here.

Voice. Hello. I want Gandhi.

Gandhi. Oh Baba…Gandhi here

Voice. Which Gandhi?

Gandhi. Which Gandhi you want?

Voice. I want Real Gandhi

Gandhi. What do you mean?Are there any fake and un real too.

Voice. There are many fake and crooked pseudo Gandhis around. The real Gandhi is Bapu. Whatever are his short comings, he is the only real Gandhi.

Gandhi That is me. Bapu Speaking ( sings holding the phone while doing a jig)

Know! I am the real bald Gandhi and very real
I lived many times without a gram of gruel
I am old and sick and the real bapu of you
Yet I am here to take care of you too.

Voice. Thanks Bapu. Can I come and meet you

Gandhi. What is the problem? Can’t you speak on phone?

Voice. No. I shall come to you.

Gandhi. OK . Please do come early. I go to bed early immediately after sun set.

Voice. OK

( From Trnasistor a song is heard)

Suno suno Oh duniya walo
Bapu kee jo amar kahani
Oh Bapu jo poojya hai kitna
Jitna Ganga maakaa pani…eee..eee..

( Gandhi listens and wipes his eyes with a hanky….sobs)

( The door opens and a stranger enters the room along with Patel. They wish Bapu)

Patel. Namaste Bapu. How are you? He is Chikoo Pant.

Pant. Namaste Bapu

Gandhi. Welcome. Patel. Welcome sir( Looks at the stranger). Please be seated.

( They sit on simple steel chairs)

Gandhi.Now tell me what is troubling you.

Pant . My name is Cheeku pant. I come from Uttar Pradesh state in India. I have come with a request that you must contest the present Indian elections .

Gandhi. How can I ? I am already dead. More over I am not the present member of Congress party. The old congress party which I led died long ago.

Patel. Indira Gandhi divided the party and the present party has a symbol of Hand i.e palm.

Gandhi. We used to have symbol of a pair of bullocks with a plough. That is gone. Now what we see is opportunistic congress. Led by members of Jawaharlal’s family

Pant. It does not matter. You are a towering figure. If you contest no one has courage to oppose you. It is time you come back and set things right in India.

Patel. Bapu. We have seen things earlier in India. We have seen the episode at Gandhi Bhavan in Hyderabad some time ago.

Gandhi. Look Cheekoo sahib. India is much changed now. Who wants Gandhi now? ( sings)

Look my dear Chikoo
I was popular some time ago
The party is in the hands of shady men
They only want my old Logo

I toiled day and night without rest
While my body struggled in pain
The present leaders enjoy fruits of my work
And my struggles have gone in vain.

To appease others they pray to me
In heart and heart happy that I am no more
Murkiest games they are playing these days
I am sure finally they would suffer and have bed sores

Patel. That is true Bapu. All these men are thankless lot. Look Chikoo! Why you want Bapu to enter the shit pot.

( In the mean time Bapu serves goat milk to all in small cups)

Chikoo Pant.( Sips the milk).eee…eeee… It is smelling like hell. What is this?

Gandhi. It is goats milk. I always take it

( Patel and Chikoo swallow and gulp goats milk while Gandhi smiles)

Gandhi. So you want me to contest the elections. That is fine. For the sake of countryI shall do it

Patel,. Think again bapu. You shall repent. You have to cut a sorry figure.

Gandhi. Patel. That is OK. We shall do our act. Rest is with God. Lord Krishna said so.

Patel. Ohfo. What a man? ( Holds head)

Chikoo pant. Thanks Bapu. Plesae vist congress Bhavan soon in UP at Lucknow. Thanks agin. I am going sir. Namaste Bapu. Namaste Patel Sahib

( He bows to them and touches feet of Bapu and Patel and take their blessings and goes away. Next day Gandhi and Patel land up at Congress Bhavan at Lucknow)

Gandhi. ( Looking at the building) What a majestic building? I am impressed. Let us go in

( At the gate sentry stops them and asks them to take pass from security and they go to the security officer and ask for visitors pass)

Gandhi. We want to go in and meet senior leaders.

Inspector. Sir! Whom do you want?

Gandhi. I want to meet Gobind Ballabh Pant,

Inspector. Who is he? I never heard his name

Gandhi. Strange indeed! Don’t you know him. Your Chief Minister.

( In the mean time some old and very aged people gather there and listen to them)

A old man. Look Inspector. Pant Sahib was great leader. He was the CM of UP state.

Inspector. Look old man. He has died long ago. How can you meet him? You appear to be very strange man. Any how go and meet the present leader. I shall give you pass and go to enquiry. Please leave your stick. We do not allow arms inside (He issues a pass and requests Bapu to leave the stick there)

Gandhi. Look. Is this an arm? Does it look like a rifle?

Inspector. These are the orders to us. We are helpless

Patel ( within himself) Not helpless. But Clueless nuts.

( Gandhi and Patel go inside and they find Chikoo standing there.)

Patel. Hello. Chikoo Sahib. We are here.

Chikoo. Namaste sir

Gandhi. Whom shall we meet

( He takes them to the office inside and meets the leaders who are actually deciding the seats for various people)

Leader.( Looking at Gandhi) Good. From where you have come. Where is your party membership card. It is nice. You are exactly dressed like Bapu.

Gandhi. We are not dressed up. We are real. I am Gandhi and he is Patel

Leader. Is he Jasu Patel? The cricketer who bowled Richie Benaud’s Australian team out for 108 runs at Kanpur test?

Patel ( Getting annoyed) Am I Jasu Patel? Look. I am Vallabh bhai Patel. The iron man of India. I was the first deputy PM of India.

Leader ( Talking to his aide). Poor fellow appears to be out of tune. Old age has affected him.

Patel ( Getting annoyed) Look. I am mentally sound. I am Sardar Patel.

Leader. That is OK.. Please do not get exited. ( within himself).. Poor guy. Sickness appears to be serious too.

( looking at Gandhi, leader enquires)

Leader. What do you want?

Gandhi. I want to contest parliamentary elections. I want a ticket from Congress party.

Leader ( Laughs). Haa…haa.hhaa. How can you get it? There are hundreds of guys here waiting. Some are already the members of the parliament. We have to give them. There are new aspirants. Then there are people from dynasty. We can not refuse them. What are you going to do even if you win?

Gandhi. Look Sir! That is different matter. I led the congress party before independence and got freedom. If I wanted I could have become the President or PM of India. But I did not bother. I made Nehru as PM and this Patel as Dy PM.

Leader (Getting amused). This appears to be some thing very interesting indeed. It is OK you are dressed like Gandhi, but how can you be the real Gandhi. He was shot dead long ago.

Gandhi. That you will not understand. We have divine bodies. Please touch us.

(Leader tries to touch Gandhi and he fails. He repeats several times, but fails)

Leader (Getting scared). Ok .. Ok.. But you are not members of the party since 1948 in your case and in Patel’s case since 1950. How can we give tickets to you?

Gandhi. I do not know how will you do? We want tickets.

Leader. Why don’t you contest as independents. Why hang on to us Are you not sure of winning?

Gandhi. We love Congress as we belonged to it.

Leader. Your congress is no more there. It died long ago.

Patel. Rather you guys killed it.

Leader. Look. Please do not blame us. We can not give you ticet. Plesae go away. We are sorry. Contest as independents.

Gandhi. That any how we shall do. Not only me. I shall bring all stalwarts of congress party who died long ago and were the real heroes to contest as independents. All of them shall win. You guys would look like a Hurricane lamp infront of a Tube light. Parliament will have all independents from UP. Haa…haa

Patel. heee…heee ( sings doing a fast jig)

Look you cranky guys
Looking well fed and fat
You sure to loose soon
All you guys would be on the mat

The moment the people see us
They would shoe you off
We would surely win at the ballot
And we would have last laugh

You misruled the nation all these years
And made tons of money and filled your banks
We shall come back to power
And shall send you to sleep in jails wooden planks

Leader. Enough of it. You have gone too much. I shall show you who will win now itself.( looking at party workers and bouncers who are dressed like party workers)
Come on guys . Throw these nuts out from here.

( The bouncers menacingly rush at Gandhi and Patel. Gandhi stares at them and twists his hand like Mandrake the magician and all the bouncers are thrown off 50 feet away and fall in heap. They shout Oh bapu. Margaya.. Bachao.. Ram Ram. Bacho)

( Gandhi and Patel wave at the leader and smile while the leader is in jitters and runs away leaving his shoes)


Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Wednesday, March 25, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

(It is a large gathering on a roadside in India in the state of Andhra Pradesh. A leader is standing on a vehicle and addressing the gathering. There is lot of commotion all around)

Leader (Holding mike). Listen. Listen. I am the hero speaking to you. Look I am from the family of the bye gone super hero. I inherited all his histrionics. I also look like him. I deserve attention. Please vote for us. This is the only way of showing appreciation to us and him. Give us chance again. We have been out of power for the last five years. It is frustration too. We can not stay out of power. You know we are like tigers. We want to be masters. A tiger that tastes human meat can not keep quiet for long. It seeks victim again and again. We tasted power once and ruled for long. We want to return to power in these elections. So vote for us. ( He does break dance on the vehicle)

Look I am the hero
While all others are only zero
I am at the top like Master Zoro
I cannot however sing like Emperor Nero

( The gathering claps loudly in appreciation)

Leader. Listen . Please vote for us. We shall give many things free. Rice will be given at Rs 2/Kg. Some guy has promised cooking gas for Rs 100 per cylinder. I shall give at Rs 50 per cylinder and with that a lighter also will be free. Once in six months gas pipe will be free. Once in two years we shall give free gas stove in exchange of old one. But we shall charge Rs 50 for it. In every house for poor we shall build toilet and give water free. Some time you may not get water. So we shall give ten Toilet paper Rolls free. Till Engineering we shall give free education to poor children. What we require is a MRO income certificate for below Rs one Lakh income. That any how one can get. You know how to get it. Even if the student does not pass intermediate he shall get B Tech I year seat. He has to pass inter by the time he enters second year. In exceptional case this may be relaxed. There will not be any EAMCET examination for poor. The only condition is that they should be able to write their name correctly at least in Telugu.

Member from Crowd (Laughs) Haa…haaa..Haaa

Leader. Shut up. What makes you laugh?

Member. What else I can do? Engineering education has become a joke now in the state. The students as it is most of them can not understand English and they want lecturers to reach in Telugu. They do not attend classes. Attendance regulations are violated. These graduates most of them are of no use to society. The university may boast of hundreds of colleges while many are bogus Institutions…They have no staff even…Forget about Principal..Haaa…haaaa. Here I laugh…. Haa…haaa..heee…heee.. hooo….hoooo..

Leader ( Gets embarrassed) That is OK..OK.. Please relax. In every system, some lacuna will be there. We shall improve if we come to power. We shall close the institutions that are bad. Ohf, I side tracked from my speech. Yeah . we were talking of various concessions to poor. All poor women will get one dozen sarees free every year. All gents will get three Safari suits free along with two pairs of shoes and socks every year. Gents will get Shaving razors free every two months along with sufficient blade cassettes. All poor families will have bank account and government shall transfer every month Rs10000 in to these account. This is not loan. Just help. Please vote for us.

( Gathering men claps)

( In the mean time Gandhi, Nehru and Patel walk in slowly and settle down on a bench close by)

Leader ( Looking at Gandhi) Look at this old man. Even after 60 years of independence he is unable to afford proper cloths and is half naked. Is this the rule the present government is giving that has been ruling at center for so long? Shame. Shame

( gathering claps)

( Leader comes down from the dais and removes his shirt and gives to Gandhi and ask him to wear.)

Gandhi. Thanks. But no. I am not in the need of the shirt. I have many at home. I wear this dress as a principle and commitment.

Leader. What principle?

Gandhi. Look. Most of the Indians are poor and can not afford proper clothes. So I dress up like this.I went to King of England even like this. I earned a title of Half naked Fakir. Laughs…haa…haa…haa.

Leader.. How funny you are! By the by who are you sir?

Gandhi. I am MK Gandhi. Mahatma Gandhi. I am called so while many do not think I am a mahatma. I am also called Bapu. Some call me Karma Yogi. My full name is Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Did you not recognize me? ( Sings)

I am the Gandhi the mighty Bapu
Father of Indian nation
There are crores of poor here
Who to eat have no ration

Leader. Some how I am unable to recollect you. Probably I read about you in some primary reader during my school days. You may be imposter and nut. Gandhi died long ago shot by Godse.

Gandhi. So bad. You do not know your father of nation. ( Beats his chest and cries) Mera Bharat…Mera Bharat..eeee….eeee..

Nehru. Bapu. Please do not cry ( He gives his hanky to wipe his tears). Look speaker! Haven’t you seen his statues all around?

Leader. True. There used to be earlier if I remember correctly. Now they are very few. We find most of them to be Ambedkar statues with a lifted finger and in suit and with a book. Wherever I see Gandhi statues they are in pathetic condition. They have broken legs standing on iron rods, some with heads standing on iron rods, some have no ears. At some places sticks are missing and in the hands rum bottles are inserted. At many places strings with flags are attached to the neck.

Patel. (Laughs)…..haa..haaaa

Nehru. Patel. What is there to laugh? We should feel sorry.

Patel. He described the statues. So I could not control myself.

Leader. OK… Please listen guys… Very soon I shall ensure erection of atomic power plant in the state one for every district. I shall strive for reservation in army at all levels.

Gandhi. Look friend . You are promising left right and center. How can you give these? Will you sell away the state to World Bank?

Leader. We have our own ways. That we will decide after winning. That is secret.

Gandhi (looking at the crowd) Look friends. Do not believe all these empty promises. They are turning people into lazy lot. Do You want to earn food by hard work or become beggars? These guys after winning elections will never come to you. Believe me. You will be cheated to the hilt.

Leader (Getting upset) come on, old man shut up. Are you from CIA. Who has sent you to spoil my meeting? (Looking at his followers and bouncers) Take care of these guys. I think opposition party has sent them.

(The bouncers fall on Gandhi and his friends. One guy takes away stick from Gandhi and Gandhi drags it back and gets annoyed.)

Gandhi. Look . You can not do that to me. What you have thought of me? ( sings).

I am the mighty man
Known as the great superman
My name is Karamchand Gandhi Mohandas
I shall make you soon a stupid ass

( Gandhi holds the stick and swings it in the air wildly in a circle and it makes whining sound. The bouncers are taken back and they are unable to come close. One guy tried to close in and he gets a hard blow on the head and he collapses. Gandhi in great tempo swings wildly unaware of everything around. The leader calls off the meeting and quickly vanishes from there. A group of police men land up there in a vehicle after receiving a call from the leader)

Inspector. Hey.. Who are you? Stop this swinging of stick. Or I shall shoot you.

Nehru. Look Inspector. He is out of your reach. He can not hear you.

Inspector. Who are you?

Nehru. Don’t you know me?( sings

I am the great Jawaharlal
Once up on a time I was the PM of this nation
You were not even born at that time
Now you forgot all things in the inflation

Inspector. Stop singing. Tell me who you are?

Nehru. I gave a hint. Find out.

Inspector. Behave yourself. Do not act funny with me. I am from police. I can shoot you too and make an encounter story.

Patel. And win ashok Chakra too. Heee..heee….Come on. Do not threaten us. You can not do any thing to us.

Inspector. I shall show you. You guys appear to be anti social. I shall count ten and if you do not disperse I shall shoot you.

( Inspector starts counting and Nehru and Patel keep laughing while Gandhi continues to swig his stick.. Ten numbers are over and Inspector fires four rounds into Patel)

Patel ( Laughs ) hee…heee..hee. ( The bullets strike Patel and get deflected as Patel is a steel man of India. One of the bullet deflects and strikes the Inspector in the thigh. He collapses bleeding)

Patel.( Laughs) hooo…hooo…hooo. I told you to behave in the beginning

( In the mean time, many constables pounce on the trio and Gandhi stops swinging his stick. Nehru looks at the police men and twists his hand like Mandrake the magician and all the police men are thrown hundred feet away and fall in heap. They shout oh… margaya…. Bacho.. Bacho… eee…eeee…aaaa…aaa..eeee.. oo..oo

( Gandhi and his friends laugh and walk away)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Monday, March 23, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

( In the lawns of White House George Washington and President Obama are seen sitting in chairs and sipping wine. It is a holiday and they look relaxed)

Washington. Dear President Obama, Hope you are now settled in the chair by now. ( Sings)

Dear Mr. President Barack Obama
Now you are popular like near by canal Panama
In Pakistan what goes on a sordid drama?
They fight with out a full stop and a comma

Obama. Sir. Yeah. I am Well settled. Your poem was good.

Washington. Hope you are going strong at Afghan war

Obama. Sure. I am paying special attention to the war . However I find Pakistan a bottle neck.

Washington. I am sure they are trying to avoid you and dilly dallying the issue of strong actions against Talibans and Al Qaida. They are hand in glove with the thugs I am sure.

Obama. True. These guys are stuck neck deep in shit pot. They are unable to manage their country. It is a failed state. They abdicated responsibility of Waziristan.

Washington. I read in news paper that one guy called Nawaz Sheriff a former PM started great march where all funny guys including lawyers joined the march. Are they copying the great Chinese march of thirties during the time of Chiang Kai Shek led by great Mao tse tung.

Obama. I think they are nuts. Zardari was trying to force his way by banning Sheriffs from contesting elections and also refused reinstating the former ousted Chief Justice.

Washington. Hee…heee.. What type of leaders they have?

Obama. Sir. They are pseudo leaders. I was getting worried. Pak army Chief General Kayani was itching for a coup and made it clear to Zardari to behave and sort out amicably or face sword.

Washington. Haa.. haaa. That worked.

Obama. Even we played role from behind the curtain. I was prepared to axe Zardari in favor of Kayani. Army rule in Pak is not new. If not now, it will happen tomorrow.

Washington. True ( Sings)

These nuts can not rule by themselves
They fight for bread kept on their shelves
They have no clue of a democracy
What they know is just mischief and hypocrisy

What they need is a constant kick from behind
They are like a spring that one can not wind
Like rodents they squabble at a dust bin
And they are good however to make great din

Obama. Sir ! well said. Hats off to you. You are a great poet too. You deserve Noble prize in literature

Washington. Haa..haaa.. Now what is the latest state in Pakistan?

Obama. Sir. Zardari has mellowed. He agreed for conditions. Nawaz has been restored as CM of Punjab. The dismissed chief Justice is back in chair. They are now seen laughing together sitting in chairs next to each other.

Washington. Poor Indians. must have been disappointed. General Kayani has not struck. MK Gandhi must have been happy.

( There is a flash and suddenly MK Gandhi appears on the scene. He is in his usual gait with a stick.)

Obama. Hello Mr Gandhi. Welcome. I am not much acquainted with you. I heard great about you.

Gandhi. There is nothing great about me.

Obama. You are too humble.

Washington. Welcome. Mr Gandhi. I have not seen you here since long.

Gandhi. True. I was trying to sort out some shit in India that goes on under the name of democracy.

Washington. But your country is considered as a strong democracy among the nations where military rulers are grinding swords against you.

Gandhi. Look. Mr Washington. It is an apology to democracy. Now the elections have been ordered in India and the game has been unfolded. A great drama goes on there.( Sings)

Indian leaders are after voters
In heart they feel voters are mere jokers
They catch votes by hook or crook
After winning they would never give them second look

Washington. Haa…..haaa… heee..heeee….. We also had the drama in USA

Gandhi. In India you find all sons , daughters, uncles and aunts of leaders contesting from one place or other. It is dynastic democracy. If a leader has died his wife or son must be given the ticket even if he is anti social element and illiterate and court cases are pending against him. They are masters in showing victory signs without understanding word of democracy. They have to just lift their hands in parliament or assembly when required. Of course, showing their teeth too with a wide grin is what required. Their role is to run to podium whenever required and be a part of shouting crowd. They must master abuses and vocabulary for abuses.

Obama. Haa…haaa. Well said. I am sure the constitution makers of your country must be crying hoarse beating chests. I shall ask you one thing. Why only one family is ruling India? Are others incompetent? Do they lack spine? Are they earth worms?

Gandhi. Our constitution makers are dead long ago. They may be turning in graves if buried or crying in sky if cremated in fire…..Coming to family rule, Not exactly like that. You know. Indians are greatest idol worshippers. They worship three crores of gods and goddesses, if not less. They also worship some families too. They go crazy at some families and run after them hoping that they get some pieces thrown to them in return.

Obama. What a shame? I heard at your name they go crazy and vote blindly.

Gandhi. Why shame? True to some extent about my popularity. It is the second nature in India. Mr. Obama. In India educated do not vote. They feel it is a waste of time. They are very sure that the ballot boxes are mismanaged. Many claim that before they go, their vote is already cast. Then why vote? They ask so. The funniest joke is that some news paper flashes a photo of a very old lady being carried to polling booth to caste vote. All a gimmick for popularity.

Washington. They are very correct. Why vote?

Gandhi. ( sings and does a jig)

Many do not cast their votes
Although they collect many notes
They know the routes to power
Grabbing fathers seat they climb the tower

The leaders pour gallons of liquor
Poor voters are lured with succor
The shady drama of catching votes goes on
Although the government puts on these some ban

Washington ( Laughs) Hee..hee…ooh…oooh… Mr Gandhi Well danced and sung too. You are a great guy in fact.

Gandhi. Thanks sir. I am obliged.

Obama. What else goes on there?

Gandhi. Every party leader is promising many things free to the people. One guy says he will give TV sets free. Some one gives cooking gas and rations free. Some one is guaranteeing monthly cash to poor and other guy is promising free power. No one knows how they would give. For farmers powers is free and for poor medical facilitiers are free. They may mortgage the nation to World Bank. Some may be selling Indian land to western powers. As it is the government is throwing the lands at very low prices to private parties. East India Company may take rebirth again in India.

Obama. Are they so crazy for power?

Gandhi. Yes. In India, politicians would die if they are out of power. They will develop Hyper tension, Diabetes, Skin rashes, Heart problems, asthma, allergy, eczema, Fissures, Fistula, Piles, Convulsions, Rickets, eye sores, Gas trouble, Ulcers, cancer, stress fatigue, erectile disorders, gout, and Parkinson disease. What else and what not?

Washington. Great Scots. Any thing more to your list Mr. Gandhi?

Gandhi. There could be more sir. But things are very bad.

Washington. Oh God! All these days I was thinking differently about Indian democracy. I never knew it was such hypocrisy. Mr. Gandhi ! You opened my eyes.

Gandhi. Thanks for the acknowledgements. Please open your ears too.

Obama. Look Mr. Gandhi. I want to state some thing. India must try to learn to live with Pakistan

Washington. Mr. Obama! You said you are taking care of Afghan war.

Obama. Yeah. I am releasing more funds to Pakistan. They have to survive. They have to depend on our funds only. Or else, Pakistan would collapse and militants would take control of the country. It would become Talibanistan or AlQaidaistan.

Gandhi. That is how exactly Pakistan black mails you. Unless you cut aid, Pakistan will not wake up.

Washington. True. But we can not let Pakistan fall to AlQaida. We have to keep them in good humor. Look Mr Gandhi. We are fighting a war in Afghanistan and Waziristan. You guys have not joined the war. You refused to send troops to Afghanistan. What type of great sympathy we would have for you?

Obama. True.

Gandhi. So. I must assume that all your actions after 26/11 were bla..bla..bla.

Obama. You may think so. I can not help it.

Gandhi. Thanks Mr. President. Thanks for revealing. Bye

Washington. Mr. Gandhi. Please do not get annoyed

Gandhi. No Mr. Washington and Mr. Obama. I am not annoyed. I am woken up finally. Thanks.

( Gandhi picks up his stick and walks away from the lawn)


Dr K PRabhakar Rao

Sunday, March 22, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( retired)

It is the remote area of Jammu and Kashmir State where terrorists hide and wage Jihad against India. In a secluded place some Islamic terrorists are sitting around fire in cold and are warming up. They are discussing the situation in Kashmir. The terrorists are Nasrullah, Fakrullah and Hamid Jihadi)

Nasrullah. Fakrullah, Look. Very soon we will be having free time in J and K

Fakrullah. How? What makes you to say this?

Nasrullah. Recently two civilian guys were killed in army firing. There have been great civilian protests against army and army has ordered probe into the incident

Fakrullah. That is very normal and a routine affair

Nasrullah. No. No. Not now. This time even the new Chief Minister has taken cudgels against Army.

Fakrullah. Does it make any difference?

Nasrullah. The Chief Minister is very vocal. He is no doubt a sibling. He is trying to make ground for himself in Kashmiris by being vocal and trying to corner Army. He is even asking the central government to withdraw special powers to army in the state.

Fakrullah. That will be good if done. Army guys can not now act in whatever they form they feel like

Nasrullah. Look. J and K is a special State. I do not think the government will loosen the grip they have. The young CM is trying to show himself as the savior of the Kashmiris.

Fakrullah. If army looses powers we shall have ice time here. We can conduct our Jihad most freely. Army guys would be sucking thumbs while we can blast off the state.

Nasrullah. We have to be careful. Sheikh Abdullah the PM, once up on a time of this state got into trouble and was jailed by Nehru for being anti national

Fakrullah. Are you hinting similar things will happen?

Nasrullah. No. No. I am giving a thought. If the CM distances from army and for every small thing interferes in fighting the terrorists, and if we increase our activities greatly, axe will definitely fall on him. Again army will come back with more force and we will have very tough time.

Fakrullah. Why worry for all these things? When we get good opportunity we shall smash the state. We Kill the civilians, Muslims or Hindus. No matter what happens. We shall spread hatred and mayhem and murder.

Nasrullah. Haa… haa.. Pakistan faindabad … Kashmir.. Zindabad.. Jihad long live… Allah ho Akbar..

Jo hamse takraye gaa… mitti mein mil jayega
Hoo…haa…hoo..haa..hoo.. haa..hoo…. haa

( All the terrorists rise and shout slogans lifting their weapons into sky.. Some open fire into sky.. One of the terrorist switches on the transistor and tunes to all India Radio.. News bulletin is heard)

News reader. This is All India Radio.. News read by Ram Bharose.. Government of India on popular demand from the state leaders has with drawn the special powers act for army in the state of Jammu and Kashmir with immediate effect…The army from now onwards has limited role in fighting Jihadis.The state leaders are seeing this as a great victory for the new sibling CM of state….keee….keee….mew…mew..brrr….brrr….trrr..trrr..drrr….drrr…pew….pew….sss.sssss….ooo…oooooosss….. (Suddenly there is disturbance and the radio gets dead.)

Nasrullah.. Shit.. Bloody hell… The radio net work has failed. I feel like smashing this radio set..

Fakrullah. Come on friend. Do not break it. We shall have none if you break it… (Yawns). I am feeling sleepy. Let us go to bed.

(The terrorists go to bed while few keep guard over their camp)

(After few days some jihadis dress up like civilians and land in Lal Chowk of Sri Nagar.. They are standing in the crowded street at a way side tea stall.. An army truck with some soldiers halts at the chowk and a dozen of troops in battle fatigues an armed get down from the vehicle. The soldiers are commanded by Capt Rakesh)

Rakesh. Look. Subedar Ranjit Singh. Look at the small gathering near the dust bin. I am sure many among them are terrorists. They are dressed like civilians.

Ranjit Singh. You are probably true Sahib. Can I go and search them

Rakesh. No . Please do not do that. Now we have no powers to search them. Special powers have been withdrawn for army

Ranjit Singh. Ohfo.. Capt sahib. You are correct. That tall guy was involved in a shoot out with us last month. I can recognize him. Capt Sahib . Let us not waste time. We must catch them or kill them.

Rakesh. Yes. You are correct. But we are helpless. We can not open fire unless they open fire first

( The crowd throws onions and eggs at Capt Rakesh and soldiers and shout slogans against army.. Two guys from the crowd step out and do some jig on the road mocking at army.. In the mean time Ramdhun is heard and Gandhi accompanied by Nehru and Patel come to the square singing Ramdhun. They are in usual dress. They are followed by some Kashmiri Pandits.)

Gandhi. Hello. Every body What is happening here? I find some one is doing jig on the street and mocking at army soldiers.

On looker. Who are you sir? I am Bismillah Khan. You are singing Ram naam in the land of Kashmir. Don’t you want to live?

Gandhi. Baba. Why I should not sing here? This is also India

Khan. Many do not think this is India.

Nehru. Why? Then What it is?

Khan. This is Kashmir. We are Kashmiris.

Patel. Look Friend. Kashmir is part of India

Gandhi. True. What he said is true. Hundred percent true.

Khan. Hee….heee…heee.. Better go away from here before some guy attacks you. You people appear very old and sick too. I am telling for your benefit.

Gandhi. No. We shall not go. I shall make you sing Ramdhun and then only I shall go.

Khan. Up to you sir. That is your funeral.

( A terrorist hiding behind a large dust bin lobs a grenade at the soldiers and it explodes very close to them. A soldier is killed instantly and two are wounded.. There is some confusion in the crowd and many run away from there.. A police van with siren screaming along with a jeep arrives at the spot and some fat looking police men struggle our from the vehicle…)

Rakesh. Subedar Ranjit Singh sahib. Please take these wounded soldiers to hospital immediately and I shall take care of situation here. I have Naib Subedar Hukum Singh with me.
Ranjit Singh. Sahib Please take care of your self. Do not leave the crooked guys. Whatever happens we shall face. Blast then out …Shouts .. Bharat mata ki Jai… Jo bole so nihal.. sat sri akaal.

( In the mean time a terrorist hiding behind the shop opens fire with a rifle and the bullets zip past Capt Rakesh and Naib Subedar Hukum Singh.. Hukum singh immediately opens fire from his AK 47 at the hiding civilian and the terrorist is killed… Gandhi, Nehru and Patel are caught in the confusion and they manage to hide behind a large cement pipe lying there.. Gandhi continues to sing Ramdhun…Raghu pathi raaghava Raja Ram…pateetah pavana seethe ram. Bolo.. Raghupathi…)

Gandhi. What a violence here? There is no mutual love here.

Patel. Bapu. What are you talking? Love was lost long ago. Even before you were killed by Godse, it disappeared.

Gandhi. Why bring Godse’s name now?

Patel . He will be remembered as long as you are remembered.

Nehru. Haa…haa.. That is the truth. Along with Ram Ravan is also remembered. If
Ravana is forgotten, where is the recognition for Ram? Ram gets glory because he vanquished evil Ravana. So Godse’s name will also be eternal like Gandhi’s name. This is the truth even if some one does not like.

Gandhi. Let us go and see whether we can help the locals

( Some police men see and confront them)

Inspector. Stop. Who are you dressed like Gandhi , Nehru and Patel?

Patel. We are not dressed. We are they

Inspector. What do you mean? How can you be they? They can not be you too. You can not be them…ohfo.. you…they…. We… them… Getting crazy with these words.

Nehru. What a confusion? Look Inspector. We are actually they.

Inspector. Ohfo. Confusing guys. You guys better go away from here. You are not Kashmiris. Why you should be here?

Gandhi. Inspector. Can I say some thing to you?

Inspector. Fast…. Fast… I have no time

Gandhi. I am really unhappy with these killings. Why this Kashmir problem? Why can not we have plebiscite here?

Inspector. I do not know. I have no time. I am least bothered. What I know is to hammer the people. I am paid for it.

Gandhi. What types of people are here? Jawaharlal. Let us go. This is a useless place and people are useless too. They will cook their own goose

Inspector. You can not just go away like that. We suspect you to be some evil men. ( Looks at constables). Constables ! Catch these guys and hand cuff them. We shall deal with them later. Put them in chains and tie them to the jeep

( Constables rush at Gandhi and Gandhi laughs… heee..heee)

Gandhi. You just can not catch us. We have divine bodies…Come try and catch us..

Patel. Me too ( Does a fast Jig).. Catch me if you can my dear friend.. catch me

Nehru. Me too.. ( Sings doing jig)

Catch me you devil guys
You can not and do you know why?
We are from the sky
And we make you run like a fly

(Inspector and constables pounce on Nehru and Gandhi and Patel. Gandhi looks at them and gestures like Mandrake the magician and all the police men are thrown off the ground to a distance of fifty feet and fall in a heap into the dust bin.. They shout mar gaya. Yaa…Allah….Haye…haye… Bachao….aaa…. ooo….. eeee…eeee)

Patel. ( looking at people) Look at these guys who are paid to protect you from the Jihadis and Pakistanis. You guys do not want army guys to save you. Only God shall save you. Bapu. Let us go from this cockeyed place

( Bapu, Nehru and Patel slowly walk off into distance haze)

( In the mean time the terrorists run away leaving the body of their colleague not before throwing some more grenades in to police men and innocent civilians standing there. There are more than twenty killed among civilians apart from four police men killed and one inspector injured all sitting in the vehicle.. Capt Rakesh gets a cell call from local command headquarters)

Rakesh. Good evening sir. This is Rakesh

Col Sawant. How is the situation there?

Rakesh. Sir. We lost one soldier and two are gravely injured when the terrorists threw a grenade at us.

Sawant. Wee they dressed like terrorists?

Rakesh. No sir. They were looking like civilians

Sawant. Why couldn’t you prevent them from doing such things?

Rakesh. How can I sir? I could not carry out any search operation although we were sure they were terrorists. Subedar Ranjit Singh even recognized one as a terrorist. I am sure all were from Lashkar e Toiba. We had no powers to search now. So we had to wait till they did some thing.

Sawant. Shit.. Ohf.. What a joke? Rakesh! Are you alright?

Rakesh. Fine sir.

Sawnt. Now come back to the camp. Let the police guys do the post mortem and running around. State Government wants them to do every thing. Let them do. How about them? Any casualties among them?

Rakesh. Sir! Total five police men dead. Four constables and one Inspector died while sitting in jeep.

Sawant. That is the usual way for them. Even in Bombay it was like that.

Rakesh. There was some interesting thing. I saw Gandhi, Nehru and Patel among the crowd singing Ramdhun when the terrorists threw grenades

Sawant. From where they have come? They were dead long ago before I was born.

Rakesh. They may be some imposters dressed like them.

Sawant. One has to be careful with such people. They may be terrorists trying to get information.

Rakesh. Could be sir. Any how, they were looking harmless and docile

Sawant. Forget about them. We have many things to do. Be careful while returning. You may be even ambushed by civilians too who could be terrorists. You can not do any thing because they are civilians till they fire on you. You have no powers to shoot at them till you are mortally attacked. Even if they attack you, you must show great restrain. Or else you may even be court marshaled if you manage to survive.

Rakesh. Sir. By that time one or two of us would be dead. Any how it is better to die than face court martial.

Sawant. True. What can we do? We have to fight Jihadis with hands tied.

Rakesh. Sir .I am tired. I have decided to quit service. Once I return to the camp I shall put in my papers

Sawnt. Do not be crazy. You hardly got any service. You will not get any benefits.

Rakesh. Sir! I know. It is better to quit than to fight an enemy with hands tied down like a coward.

Sawant. I know your frustration. Be patient. Things will change soon. The matter is being considered at highest level. Ok. We shall discuss in person when you return

Rakesh. Bye sir. Thanks for every thing

( Rakesh returns to the camp along with his team and reports to Colonel Sawant)

Sawant. Welcome Rakesh. News for you. You have been given Sena Medal along with Naib Subedar Hukum Singh. But the dead police men are given Ashok Chakras for showing exceptional bravery in front of enemy.

Rakesh. Who all got?

Sawant. All those guys who died in police vehicle sitting like ducks got Ashok Chakras. All dead civilians got Padma sri awards.

Rakesh. God bless their souls. How about our jawan who died?

Sawant. Nothing. Are you sure Rakesh? Do you want to quit?

Rakesh. Surely sir. To morrow first thing is that only. I shall put in papers

Sawant. If they do not leave you?

Rakesh. I shall again put the papers stating that I want to join politics as done by Politician Jaswant singh. They have to leave me

Sawant. Will you really join politics?

Rakesh. Why should I ? I am the last one to do. I have better things to do in life.

Sawnt. Good. Best of luck. But, still I advice you. Please do not be sentimental.

Rakesh. Not at all sir.

Sawant. God bless you with success.

( Rakesh leaves the room of Colonel Sawant smartly saluting lifting knee three and half feet high in the style of drill sqaure of Indian Military academy at Dehradun and stamping on the ground while his brain gets the transmitted shivers shaking him up)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Sunday, March 15, 2009



Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

( It is a railway station in India very busy and simmering with people. People are busy and the activities are intense. Many are squatting on the ground as there are no sufficient seats and benches to sit. A family is seen sitting near a pillar over a bed sheet spread on the ground. There are three kids, a dog, a cat and a rooster tied with a string near them. Lot of suit cases, bags are also with them…The kids are getting restive..The kids are Atul, Neena and Asha. Mothers name is Ratna and husband is Ramlaal.)

Atul. Papa! I am feeling thirsty and want water.

Asha. Papa! I want coffee.

Ramlaal. Ok. Please wait . I shall get some coffee and water too.

( He picks up a bottle and flask and goes to the tea stalls)

Ramlaal. Oh Bhai. Please give me three cups of coffee in this flask

Vendor. Sorry sir. Coffee is over. There is a soft drink. That is only available today.

Ramlaal. Please give me three bottles. Some thing is better than nothing.

( The vendor hands over three bottles filled with drink)

Ramlal( looks at the bottles and reads the markings on them.( It is written Couppis coola.) What is this new drink?

Vendor. It is the latest drink in the market. It is Ayurvedic potion and is good for health. It is made from Cow urine. It is actually Cow Piss Cola. But to make the title interesting it has been spelled like that. heee…heee

Ramlaal. Eee….eee..eee. (He drops the bottle which does not break as it is made of polythene).

( On lookers laugh loudly)

Vendor. Sir. Do not get upset sir. It is priced at half the price of other soft drinks in market. It is full of vitamins and nutrients. Sir ! Please take this pamphlet that also explains the product( The pamphlet carries the photograph of Morarji Desai former Prime Minister of India).

Ramlaal. Oh No!. ( Runs to the wash basin and washes hands and there is no soap water there. He picks up some dust from ground and rubs his palms)

( An European standing at the wash basin look amazed for the Indian ingenuity for washing hands. He looks at a push cart vendor who is selling the soft drinks on the platforms. He is shouting too…)

Push cart vendor. Couppis coola….Couppis coola… Hear ..hear… A great soft drink.. So cheap. Half the rate of other soft drinks.. Rush fast. Limited stocks are available.

( On a bench are seated Gandhi, Patel, Nehru and they are waiting to catch a train)

Vendor ( looking at Nehru). Sir . You look Nehru sahib. How about this soft drink? It is chilled.

Nehru. What is this new drink? I never heard about it.

( the vendor hands over a pamphlet to Gandhi who does not read fully and looks at the photograph)

Gandhi. This pamphlet says it is the idea of Morarji Desai, former Prime Minister.

(Suddnly there is a flash and Morarji Desai appears. )

Morarji. Bapu. Namaste, Nehruji Namaste, Sardar Patel sahib Namaste. I am delighted to see all of you here. Although we are all in heavens we never meet.

Gandhi. Hello Mr Desai. Welcome. What is this pamphlet that carries your snap?

Desai. Sir . This is Coupis coola. The cow urine. I patronized when was the PM of India. It is for drinking

Patel. Chee…Chee..Chee

Nehru. Eee…ee….ee.. eee ( He is about to vomit and Patel holds Nehrus head and closes ears)

Gandhi. How could you do that Mr Desai? Did you not have any better thing to do?

Desai. What is wrong Bapu? Even doctors have certified it. Many books were also written signifying its value with medicinal value.

Gandhi. That could be. You were in power. No one wanted to hurt you and get cross with you. They were probably doing your bhajan ( worship).

Desai. Bapu. It could not be like that. Look I lost power and died too. It was almost two decades over. After my stepping down as PM, every one forgot about cow urine therapy. It has come up again. That means there is something powerful and genuine about it.

Patel. Morarji Bhai. Look. All over the world, we would become laughing stock with this coupis coola and will be treated as jokers and cranks.

Morarji. Why it should be? This is our country and it is our wish. We have our own culture.

Nehru. Is it cow culture or cow piss culture?

Morarji. Both.

Gandhi. Any how, let us see what happens to this couppis coola ( sings).

Indians are really nuts and great
However they are governed by sad fate
Now they are engulfed by cow piss
Which they some how now can not miss

The couppis coola could be now the national drink
Even if it thoroughly is of great stink
Morarji is the founder and the great connecting link
He feels after drinking this, all would get healthy and pink

Morarji. Bapu. Just think about this. Did you not patronize Goats milk? Every one must have laughed too. So there is nothing wrong in drinking Cow piss. Look Bapu. I am not forcing any one to drink.

Gandhi. I am only worried some crazy government could forcibly implement at Government hospital specially like Lau foreced railways to sell tea in mud cups ( Gulla)

Nehru. Bapu! Do you think they included Therapy with Cow piss as a curriculam in Degree course leading to MBBS degree, BAMS?

Gandhi. I am not sure. I do not know what medical council of India thinks? Most probably they will not agree. It may become part of Ayurvedic medicine.They may introduce Diploma in Cow piss therapy and practices. They may even waive off fees for this course.

Patel. With this, cow becomes more important in India. Every part is becoming useful. Cow dung cakes has always been very pious and useful as fuel and as material for floor preparation in huts. Now cow piss caught the attention. Three cheers to cows.. Hip.. Hip Hurray.. Cow piss Zindabad ( Long live) ( He gets up and does a fast jig)

( In the mean time three stray cows get on to platform and urinate right there and also leave cow dung. Suddenly railway safaiwallahs (Cleaning personnel) arrive shouting and screaming and beat the cows mercilessly with sticks and the cows run away. One of the cow runs to Gandhi.)

Cow. Look. Bapu ( Sings)

Mr. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
I am the poor and innocent cow
Look! How I have been beaten in front of you
Reasons only they know why and how

You say in India cow is highly revered
And it is treated as a mother and Goddess
Look! How badly I am beaten up
Your theory has already been a big mess

Gandhi. I am sorry dear mother. I shall see your case is taken up ( Sings)

Look Oh Indians! Thankless to the core
This is Gandhi speaking out my mind
When do you learn to respect your cow mother?
Is it after getting a kick from behind?

(Gandhi along with Nehru and Patel sit down on the floor in protest and shout slogans against Railway officials for ill treating cows on the platform. On- lookers collect and gather around and start shouting slogans for ill treating cows by a government agency. There is a great commotion and railway protection force personnel arrive there along with a pot bellied Inspector)

Inspector. What is this nonsense going on here? Who are these nuts sitting?

Gandhi. I am Gandhi. Bapu, Father of nation. Any doubts?

Inspector. Whoever you may be. You can not disturb peace here. You are causing disturbance in public place. More over you are armed with long stick. Are you crazy shouting for a cow? You may be arrested. Please leave peacefully. Do not force us. If required we may open fire even.

Nehru. Inspector. I am Nehru and ruled this land for 16 years before you were even born. Show these threats to some one. Not to Gandhi, Nehru and Patel.

Inspector. Look. You all are imposters. Just want to get some popularity by dressing like this. We see daily scores dressed like this and begging on the platform.

Patel. But we are not fake. We are real. Shall we show?

Inspector. What you can show? Come on constables! Catch hold of these jokers and lock them up and give a good bashing afterwards. If we do this we may even get police medals for bravery. Who knows? We may even get Ashok Chakras now.

(The constables, all stout, over weight and heavy gasping fall on Patel first. Patel is the iron man of India and the moment they fall on Patel their limbs are broken and they fall down shouting..Margay.. Bacho. Some more constables rush at Gandhi and Nehru. They vanish and stand on top of the railway bogie. )

Gandhi. Look! Constables. Catch me if you can

Nehru. Hee…hee..hee… Come catch me if you can

(Inspector and some constables rush to climb bogie and Gandhi gestures at them like Mandrake the magician and the police personnel are thrown off the ground to a distance of thirty feet. Inspector and the constables break their limbs and lie down groaning and yelling.. Bacho.. Bacho.. The aggrieved cows too return and try to trample the fallen guys)

Gandhi.. No.. No.. Mother cows.. Spare them. They are ignorant and clueless. The uniform has made them like that. Forgive them.

(The cows get pacified and withdraw and stand at a distance still panting and puffing with anger.)

Gandhi. Now Look! Inspector. You can not act arbitrary. Learn to see reason. Next time better behave well. May god bless you. You are there not to be a tyrant. Remember you are appointed for public welfare. You can not use force arbitrarily.

(Gandhi and his friends disappear singing Ramdhun while the police personnel lie in a heap on the platform unable to get up and walk. Cows appear happy and squat there)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Friday, March 13, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao (retired)

(In India elections have been announced and the fever has already been built up. Efforts are being made to complete the issue of voter’s card in the last minute. In news papers the government notifications are given…. Gandhi and Patel and Nehru see the notification in heavens. It is the small room of Gandhi where Nehru and Patel are also seen sitting)

Gandhi. Look Patel. See this notification in this news paper. They are trying to build up last minute voters. Shall we try to get a voters card?

Nehru. That is a good idea. We will come to know what exactly happens there

Patel. That is good. Lets us go

Gandhi. Haa…haa.. That was good slogan. It was the slogan for Alto car of Maruthi Company for many days on the TV

Nehru. Bapu. Do you watch TV also?

Gandhi. Why not? I have a small black and white non remote control type in my room. Some time it works.

Patel. Haa…haa. OK. Let us go.

( The trio land up in Hyderabad at Happy heart nagar at a local theatre near bus stop close to bus depot. They find the area very dirty with all filth thrown out at every corner. Bapu gets upset)

Gandhi. Ohf! What type of place this is? I must clean this place. Jawahar. I think we must clean this area.

Patel. Come on Bapu. Is this the time for such acts? You can do after work is over.

Bapu. OK. Patel! How do we go about? I was told that to day the municipal people would come to a place called community hall compound where they would collect data and issue cards. ( He goes to a pan shop to enquire)

Vendor. Oh Bhai. What do you want? Do you need Banarsi pan or Palang thod Pan? Even masala zarda and Saada are there.

Gandhi. Ohf. Nothing of these. I want to know where the voter cards are issued to day

Vendor. You go by this lane, turn right at the end and go straight, turn left and again turn right and after 200 yards you find the place. You can easily make out.

Gandhi. Thanks.

( He goes back to his friends and all of them walk along the lane and reach the place. In the compound they find some people and few officials while one guy holds a digital camera. Others are found chewing pan masala while one or two guys are smoking)

Nehru. Oh Bhai. We have come to collect our voter’s cards

Official. That is good. Please find your names in this list. Locate them and let me know.

( The trio start searching the lists and they surprisingly find names such as Mohandas, Jawaharlal and Narang Patel with house addresses).

Patel. Look sir! Our names are here in Block I in Electric nagar of New hamlet constituency.

Official. That is very good sir. I shall instruct the camera man to take the snaps. Kindly wait.

( In the mean time a tea vendor comes with a flask and plastic tea cups)

Patel. Hey baba. Come here . Give us three cups .

(The vendor gives them three empty cups)

Patel. What is this? Where is tea in this?

Vendor. Sir. You asked for only cups and not tea

Patel. Come on! Are we looking so stupid to you? Pour tea in these cups.

( Vendor gives them tea and collects nine rupees and goes away giggling.)

Gandhi. The tea is very expensive. There is hardly any tea.

Nehru. It will not be strange in very near future if he puts tea with a dropper in our mouths for same money. The day is not far off when we have to smell tea for same money.

Patel. Hee..hee..hee

Nehru. Hoo…hoo..hoo

Gandhi. Ok. Enough of jokes and let us get to business.

( In the mean time the photographer calls Gandhi to stand near a wall for the snap and notes his serial number and Gandhi obliges)

Photographer. Baba. Please drop your stick. Look straight.

( He is about to snap when a crow flies across Gandhis face and snap is clicked)

Photographer. Thanks sir well done.

( The photographer takes snaps of Nehru and Patel also and thanks them)

Gandhi. Hello sir. When do we get the photos?

Official. You will get them by post.

Gandhi. We may not be in Hyderabad for long. We may loose them.

Official. In that case please come to municipal office after three days. You will get there. Please bring the receipts with you.

( Gandhi and his friends thank the team and walks back to the main road.)

Gandhi. To days work is over. Let us go around a bit and see what is there.

(The trio starts walking on the road. In one of the lanes they find some statues left on the road side near a shop which appears to be a sculptors shop. Many are found urinating right near the statues. There is lot of shit and filth in that area. Some kids are also found pissing on the statues of past leaders left uncared for)

Gandhi. Ohf. What a sorry state?

Nehru. Please say fate Bapu.

Patel. True

Gandhi. Let us go from here. I can not stand this insult

(They get into another lane and suddenly come across a Gandhi statue on a pedestal at a crossing)

Gandhi. Eee…eee.. Jawahar see this statue. How it is?

(The Gandhi statue is in bad shape. Its legs are broken from the knees and cement has peeled off and it is standing by virtue of iron rods in the legs. There are no fingers to the hands and the stick is forced into the arm pit by some one. There is no cement near neck and head is standing on mere iron rod. The statue is surrounded by filth and pigs are seen playing there. A police constable is seen close by and he is chewing pan while standing on one leg and leaning on to his lathi. Gandhi goes to him)

Gandhi. Oh ! Police bhai. What is this? Is this way you maintain the statue of father of nation?

Constable. What can we do Bhai? This statue was not erected by Government. It is the work of locals. Now this area has no congress influence. Who will care for this one? You see. After some time, the statue will be broken and the rogues and urchins would collect steel rods and sell them away. That will be the final fate of this Gandhi. But why are you getting upset? Sir! You have dressed up like Gandhi and you really look like him.

Nehru. Look Constableji. He is real Gandhi. I am real Nehru and he is real Patel.

Constable. ( Smiles) OK sir Thanks. See you (Within him…… Poor guys! They think they are real ones. Old age has affected them. May god bless them.)

Gandhi. Ok Friends. Let us go. We have to come again here to collect our voters cards

( The trio disappear and after three days and again reappear at Municipal office at Red brave man nagar at 10 30 hours. They go to the section where the voters cards are to be given)

Gandhi. Bhai. These are our receipts. Kindly give us our voter/s cards

Clerk. Please wait. I am busy. Come after one hour

Nehru. What do you mean come after one hour? You are not doing any thing as I see. You are chit chatting with some person. Do you think we do not have any work?

Clerk. I told you once. Is it not enough

Patel. Look friend. Why do you want to pick up quarrel? You have to just give out cards

( In the mean time some on lookers gather there who are also waiting for some thing else. They become restive and some of them shout slogans)

On lookers. Hoi..hoi.. Down with municipal office and staff… hoi…hoii..

(The clerk suddenly becomes nervous and in the mean time an officer on hearing the slogans rush out of the cabin and come to the trio.

Officer. What is the matter? Why are you shouting slogans? Please do not do it. This is a government office. Please be seated and be patient. We shall take care of all of you. Please. (Looking at the clerk) Why do not understand? We are here for taking care of public. Not for chit chatting. Please look after them.

( Gandhi and his friends hand over the receipts and the clerk verifies them and hands over the voters cards to them. They look at the cards)

Gandhi. Eee…eeee… Is this my card. Am I a crow? What is this my friend?

( Nehru and Patel look at the card and they find Gandhi with a crows face. They loudly laugh…hee..hee..hee )

Gandhi. (Getting worked up) Look Mr Clerk I do not know your name. Please look into this card. A crow’s photo is there with my body. Is this the voter’s card?

Clerk. Sir. Whatever the photographer gives we take and prepare. This is not my fault.

(Nehru and Patel now look in to their cards. In Nehru’s card the photograph is of a woman and in Patel’s card the photograph is of a boy. They get worked up and shout loudly at the clerk. Hearing the shouts the officer again comes out and enquires)

Officer. Now what is the matter again?

Gandhi. Sir .Please look at these cards. Are we crows and women and boys. Not even one photograph is correct.

( the officer looks at the cards and gets upset)

Officer,. Eee..eee… nuts. Jokers indeed! Who made these cards? I understand a mistake of woman and a boy. But what about this crow? How come a voter be a person with crows head? I Suspend the photographer immediately.

Onlooker. Haa…haa..haaa. This is the greatness of Municipal office and staff. They are being paid for this only.

Officer (Getting embarrassed) Sir. Please excuse us for these slip ups. The work pressure is so high. The poor staff has gone crazy. Give us some time. I shall arrange proper cards here itself. That will save our face. I request you to be here at 1000 hours tomorrow and I promise to prepare new cards in front of me. The photographer will be there.

Patel. That is good. Thank you very much for the concern you show. May god bless you.

Nehru True. Atleast some sane person is there here.

Gandhi. True. We shall come tomorrow.

Officer. Sir bye the bye, why are you dressed like our past leaders?

Gandhi. We are not dressed. We are in fact they.

Officer. How can it be? They died long ago

Gandhi . You shall not understand that. Plesae touch us.

( The officer tries to touch Gandhi and he only moves his hand in air)

Officer. Eee…eeee… This is some bhoot. Oh God save me

( The officer and clerk run away)

( Gandhi and his friends laugh and walk away from the municipal office and disappear )

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Wednesday, March 11, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

( In a dinghy room in heavens Gandhi is seen sitting in an old dilapidated chair. The room is poorly lit and is ill equipped. Gandhi is seen reading a news paper. He folds the news paper and takes deep sigh and closes eyes and leans against the back rest looking dejected. The door opens and Nehru walks in.)

Nehru. Bapu! What happened? You appear to be off the mood.

Gandhi. Jawaharlal. I was going through the news paper from India. India is going to polls very soon. They appointed a new election commissioner too.

Nehru. True . I also learnt. Bapu why you are upset?

Gandhi. I find the candidates are either the old horses or their kith and kin. Mostly leaders are projecting their sons, daughters, wives, brothers and sisters.

Nehru. That has become very common in India.

Gandhi. It is dynastic democracy that Ambedkar never fore saw.

Nehru. The constitution of India says it is for the people, by the people and of the

Gandhi. It is no more valid now. It is for the dynasty, of the dynasty and by the dynasty

Nehru.. Heee….heee…heee. Well said.

Gandhi. Look. Jawahar, As long as I was alive, I think there was some fear of God and adherence to code of ethics. We had scores of leaders like you, Patel, Subhas, Azad, Masani, Rajaaji, Ashok Mehta, Rajen Babu, Lal Bahadur, Karan Singh, Amrit kaur, Lajpat Rai, Satyamoorthy, Kamraj, Dhebar, Yeshwant RaoChavan, Pant, Kidwai brothers and many more. No one tried to push his son or daughter up the ladder breaking the line.

Nehru. ( Feels a bit uncomfortable). Yeah. I agree Bapu. But those days are over now.( with in himself. I am sure they are hinting now at me, my daughter and grand son and the great grand son and daughter)

Gandhi. Jawahar. What are you thinking? ( sings)

Look what is happening today
All nuts are being pushed up
Money plays the dirty game
For sensible it is no more their tea cup.

I never promoted my children
They struggled on their own
Look! What is happening now?
With this nonsense in pain I can only moan

My sons are no more heard
And no one knows their names
The leaders of today promote their kids and wives
And all through lives they play dirty games

Nehru. Bapu. That is true. Bapu! People have changed now

(In the mean time, the door opens and Patel steps in)

Gandhi. Hello Patel. Please come in.

Patel Hello sir, Hello Jawaharlal. What is the discussion? Things look tense if I am correct.

Gandhi. There is nothing serious. I was saying that Indian democracy has degenerated into dynastic democracy.( Sings)

Congress party belongs to Nehrus and Gandhis
None other can rise to power in this party today
All others remain left and scuttled out
While party has its own funny way

Patel. What is strange Bapu in this? Congress can not win votes without the tag of Nehru and Gandhi. So they are after that. If any other guy tries to come up you know what will happen. If I go and contest I will not get one vote too. I may get my vote. That too is doubtful with mischief at polling booths.

Gandhi. I feel that for winning elections, everything is being done in India. Even the leaders are much divided among themselves. Probably they are at crossed swords with each other. So a guy from the dynasty is a good bet to keep flock together and that is how it goes on the show.

Patel. Then where is democracy? A normal guy even if he is excellent will never comes up.

Gandhi. Where is democracy now? It is all family game now going on. Why only blame Congress? Others are are not pious. I think Bharateeya Jnata Party has some discipline in this context. Of course Communists are there. All other parties too are in the same game. Every leader has nominated his son for assembly elections. If father is in power at center, son will be in state.More the merrier.

Nehru. In democracy every one has right to contest.

Gandhi. True. So none can be blamed. I am only speaking about ethics. One should not get worked up when truth is told.

Patel. Bapu. Please do not speak about ethics. It has disappeared after your death. If some thing was left, it vanished with Jawahar's death. Whatever little and fraction is left that also vanished with Lalbahadur’s death. Then it became free for all.The whole thing is a murky game now.

Gandhi ( sings) ( By this time he gets some energy and spirits are high and does a jig)

What a sad state I have to see?
I never thought India would droop so low
All principles are in the dirty Yamuna river
Where morals and ethics are seen to flow

Patel. Bapu,. Why worry for these Indians? They will cook their own goose

Nehru. We have done enough for them.

Gandhi. True. As you sow so you reap. Let us enjoy. Why spoil our heads. We have already ruined ourselves working for these thankless guys. Churchill must be surely celebrating seeing Indian deocracy.

Patel. Bapu, Let us go for a long walk and breathe fresh air

Gandhi. OK. By all means. That is a better thing to do than discussing the murky games that go on in India.

(Gandhi, Nehru and Patel go for a walk holding hands)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Tuesday, March 10, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

(General Musharraf, the past Pak President is in India on a lecture visit and he is addressing some journalists. The gathering is large and there are many on- lookers. The former General is seated and there is some very strong security cover provided to him. The former President is answering some queries from the journalists and some important persons present there)

Journalist Anand. Good morning General sahib. Welcome to India. How are you spending time in Pakistan after your stepping down as President?

Musharraf. What is there? One has to adjust and find some new avenues. Initially I was also like any one and was a bit disturbed knowing that I wielded no more power and I had to go into oblivion.

Anand. That could have been very difficult indeed.

Musharraf. True. But soon I found my moorings. Look Mr. Anand! Every one in this world has to retire one day.

Anand. Sir. That appears more philosophical.

Musharraf. Initially there was some news that I may have to leave the country and settle some where. Then there was a talk of some guys suggesting my arrest and trial. Every thing fizzled out. Look I am in India too.

Anand. Sir . India is a very large hearted country. Forgiving has been the Indian motto. We believe in Live and let live. Some may also call it as a trait of incompetence. Some say Majboiori kaa nam hai Mahatma Gandhi.

Musharraf. Haa…haa.. That was good and nice too.

Journalist Mushtaq. General Saab. We welcome you to India. How about throwing some light on these terrorist attacks?

Musharraf. Look Mr. Mushtaq. Salaam wale kum. The real trouble between both the countries is the issue of Kashmir. As long as it is not resolved, these troubles will be there. There could be more Kargils even.

Mushataq. Every one believes that while being in army and commanding it, you were the architect of Kargil war.

Musharraf. That is all nonsense. I do not believe i.

Mushtaq. Sir You said , More Kargil could be there. Can we expect one this year?

Musharraf. How do I know? Mine was a prediction based on the issues.

( Suddenly there is a flash and MK Gandhi and Nehru and Patel appear at the gathering. They are seated in the crowd)

MK Gandhi. ( He gets up) Sir! May I ask a question?

Musharraf. Sure gentle man. You have dressed exactly like Gandhi. For a second I was lost and perplexed. I also see other tow guys dressed like Mr. Nehru and Patel and sitting with you.

Gandhi. General saab. We are not dressed like them. We are actually they.

Musharraf. Haa.. Haa. That’s all right. It is some thing amusing and good past time.

Gnadhi. Look ! General Musharraf sahib. It is very kind of you that you have come to India. Do you feel that you have come to an enemy country even after so may wars and troubles we had?

Musharraf. If the relations are so strained, probably I would have not been given a Visa. But I am in Delhi very much alive and kicking too. I am very comfortable too. I think our relations have not reached a point of no return.

Gandhi. That is good and kind of you Mr Musharraf.

Musharraf. Thanks sir.

Gandhi. Do you feel the response is not hostile because you are no more in the seat of power?

Musharraf. No. I do not think so. If the relations are so serious, there could have been serious demonstrations and un welcome editorials in the news papers. I did not find any thing like that. I may not be wielding power, but I was no doubt the key figure for the last 10 years in Pakistan. I had no diplomatic resistance too. Probably there could be some heart burns, but they are negligible.

Gandhi. Mr Musharraf. Do you think Kashmir problem can not be solved in peace?

Musharraf. I did not say that. Peaceful process no doubt did not resolve it. So there were many wars. I also feel that unless it is settled these struggles would continue.

Patel. General Sahib. Are you confident that Pakistan would be able to defeat India to grab Kashmir?

Musharraf. One has to be optimistic

Patel. Haa..haa…haa.. There can not be better answer to my question. That is good. But sir . Please also listen to this.

( Patel gets up and sings)

There could be many wars in future too
But you will surely win none
You may struggle day and night
Kashmir with India you can never see undone

Kindly go back to the first war on Kashmir
When your tribals and army created mayhem and murder in our land
Also please recall the befitting reply you received from us
And your army ran away playing withdrawal tune over brass band

(Musharraf moves uncomfortably in seat and soon regains composure)

Musharrf. Look Patel sahib. Those are the old days. Pakistan is now on different footing. We also have nuclear bombs. India can no more dominate us.

Patel. It is true to some extent. But nuclear weapons only can not win wars.

Musharraf. I agree. But fear of India has disappeared now once we made atom bombs.

Patel (within himself)…. It is our self failing. India allowed Pakistan to produce the bombs.

( Patel whispers to Nehru)

Patel. Look Jawaharlal. India allowed Pakistan to produce bombs and the result you have seen. We could not take any action against Pakistan after recent attacks on Bombay.

Jawaharlal. True to some extent. But could we prevent Pakistan from going nuclear? They enjoy US support greatly. They produced the bombs right under the nose of America.

Gandhi. Look ! friends! India never followed the policy of bullying the neighbors. You can see our neighbors like Sri Lanka, Nepal,, Burma and even Bhutan. We have no voice there.

Musharraf. I will be happy if you share your thoughts with me too.

Gandhi. There is nothing substantial Mr. Musharraf. What do you say about the recent attacks in Bombay?

Musharraf. Like any sane person I shall condemn them. Nothing can be achieved by such acts. I do not believe that India will collapse by such acts. These are simple terrorist attacks to create fear.

Nehru. Thank you sir. You are not subscribing to them. I am happy.

Musharraf. Look Mr. Jawaharlaalji. I also saw Madam Bhutto being killed in cold blood. There were many attempts on my life too. There were attacks on Mosques and during meetings. The terrorism in Pakistan can not undo Pak spirit. We shall over come them.

Gnadhi. Now it looks like that Pakistan will be taken over by Taliban

Musharraf. That is only a fear. I agree there were some reverses in Waziristan and Swat valley. But it does not mean that entire Pakistan would fall to the bearded men.

Nehru. Haa…haaa. That is good sir.

Patel. If Pakistan can not control Taliban, then it will be the end of your country sir.

Musharraf. That will never happen. We have strong army.

Nehru. Your army may take side with Taliban. Then it will be the end.

Musharraf. I do not think it will happen.

Patel. Sir! Time only will tell you.

Gandhi. Mr Musharraf. Recently I learnt from media that General Kayani has warned the Pak leader Zardari that he should set the country to order…

Patel. It also means that if he fails, Kayani will step in after a coup to save the country.

Musharraf. Army has to protect the nation from outside and inside forces.

Patel. That means do you subscribe to Army take over if things are bad?

Musharraf. I do not recommend it. But it could be inevitable if there is a chaos in the country.

Gandhi. Look Mr. Musharraf! In India we had some stable democracy all these years. Our Army never interfered in crisis even when Indira Gandhi imposed emergency after her defeat in election process through Allahabad high court case.

Musharraf. What can I say about your army? It is up to them.

Gandhi. Can I therefore conclude that Pak army will engineer coup under General Kayani if Zardari fails to control.

Musharraf. That could take place

Nehru. Will you be again the President then because you recently expressed that you do not mind taking up again if required. General Kayani was your man.

Musharraf. It is up to the nation. (Within himself) Will Kayani be so loyal? I doubt. Who shall leave the top post?

Gandhi. Mr. Musharraf! What will you do about 26/11 culprits if you again take over?

Musharraf. I shall do justice.

Patel. Sir! That is a vague answer.

Musharraf. Surely I shall put down such acts that serve no purpose

Gandhi. That is good. OK Mr. Musharraf. It has been a nice chat with you. May Allah bless you with peace, wisdom and comfort.Let your nation prosper. I pray to God for that.

Musharraf. Sir...Thank you. So nice of you.( ithin himself.... As if I do not have wisdom).

( Gandhi, Nehru and Patel vanish into space while all look astonished)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

Friday, March 6, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao (Retired)

( A huge public meeting is seen going on the roadside in India. Entire area and whole traffic on the route is completely blocked in that town. A lady is also stranded in this blockade and she is having delivery pains. She is lying in a car that was proceeding to a hospital. The husband Naresh who is driving the car is helpless)

Naresh. Please sir. Give me way. My wife is required to be taken to the hospital. She is about to deliver.

( A party worker Yadgiri approaches the car)

Yadgiri. I am Yadgiri. So what? Many deliver like this every second. It is a routine affair. When you knew that there is a meeting to day why you are travelling in a car ?

Naresh. Please do not say like this. My wife suddenly developed pains. Please allow the car to go.

Yadgiri. Get away fool. Are we responsible for your wife’s pains? The party president is about to come. Go away or the workers shall pour kerosene on you and burn you.

Naresh. That you can not do.

Yadgiri. In war, politics and love everything is fine.

( In the car, the lady is heard screaming .Suddenly an ambulance also arrives screaming and it is stuck in traffic. Inside the vehicle, there is a patient put on oxygen and is being taken to a hospital for emergency treatment)

Ambulance driver. Sir Give me side. It is urgent. The patient would die if we do not take him.

( No one cares for his pleadings. The patient in ambulance dies. The screaming of the lady in the car becomes intense and suddenly some women in the mob hold some saris around the car and one of the lady helps the woman in the car and she delivers safely. There is a scream of the baby aloud and all are relieved. They look at sky)

Naresh. Thank God. ( He looks at the sky in salutation while tears flow down his cheeks).

( In the mean time the party leader is seen walking along with many side kicks and is throwing garlands at people. The leader raises hands and waives at the crowd in usual fashion. Some crazy guys are running to collect them.. The leader in dark glasses climbs a platform and is seen addressing the gathering)

Leader. ( waives to the crowd and starts reading from prepared text) Hello. Eee..Eee.Namaste.eee...eeee.. I am happy that you are here. I have no much time to speak. Sorry. I should say I have busy schedule. I have many places to go. I learnt that your Leader had announced many schemes in the state for the last two months. Very soon, he shall announce more and more and there will not be end to them. He has already announced free health and medical treatment for all.

Naresh ( Screams). What free treatment? You know! My wife delivered in the car here itself. Is this the scheme you promise?

Leader. Shut up ! No arguments now. Listen

Naresh. You can not make us shut. You are all fake leaders. Running after power. Nothing more.

( The Party’s minor leader and a paid bouncer who is standing next to Naresh pounces on him and closes his mouth. The other workers drag out Naresh giving blows to him all over the body. Naresh collapses and he faints. The bouncer climbs on the body and dances like a devil. There is no trace of media men)

Leader. (Appearing unconcerned) Now your great state leader is going to offer you monthly Rs 20K without doing any work for all adults in poor families. Only thing is that you have to vote for us. Next thing on the card is yearly two free trips to any part of India for entire family and their dog too. He has graciously announced that each poor family will be given two kanjeevaram Zaree sarees and a suit for husband after every two years. No certificate from MRO( Mandal Revenue officer) will be required. They have to show ration card. Another good thing is that every poor family would be given 6 bottles of Indian whisky and 5 bottles of old monk rum bottles every week. I am very happy to inform you that poor families and middle class families will be given daily a chicken. On Diwali days all families irrespective of class will be given Rs 1000 worth crackers, five Kgs of oil and ten kilos of Pullareddy sweets. Once in five years all poor families will get free air ticket for entire family to any part of the world and Govt will ensure that they will get visas. Every family irrespective of class will get two coconuts for prayer every day.Every poor man will be given monthly free bus passes. He can go any where he feels like.All poor persons will have free entry into cinema halls and govt will pay for their tickets atleast 10 times in a month.Poor families will be allowed to go to any five star hotel for dinner once in a month and govt will pay for it.All poor persons will get one plasma TV free along with a DVD deck.They can purchase 10 DVD in a month free of cost. Govt will pay for them. All poor persons will be given 160 litre fridges free of cost and govt will pay for current at their houses.Poor families will be provided one scooter of 150 cc free of cost and they get 50 litres of petrol free in a month. Every year the scooter gets Rs 5000 free towards repairs and maintenance.

Audience. ( Clap loudly.... shout... yaa...yaa)

(Suddenly MK Gandhi, Nehru, Patel appear from some where and watch the show)

Leader. I am happy you are patiently listening. Now I invite questions and doubts and any one of you can come to dais and speak.This is democracy. We are for you .

Nehru. Bapu! You go now and speak up.

Patel. Hee… hee. That would be nice.

( Gandhi climbs the dais and wishes the leaders.)

Leader. This is a good make up by you. Very appropriate for the occasion indeed. You have dressed up like Gandhi exactly.

Gandhi. Please say MK Gandhi. There are many fake Gandhis now all over the country.

Leader.( feeling uncomfortable) True.Yes

Gandhi. Please correct yourself. I am not fake Gandhi or have come with make up and dressed up. I am the real MK Gandhi, the Bapu, father of nation.

State leader. Heee…heee.. A good joke indeed. Any how it is a good past time. Please say what doubts you have.

Gandhi. First of all your promises are fake. They are un realistic. Where is the money in state? You will ruin the state.Are you going to print currency?

State Leader. We know how to manage finances.

Gandhi. How? Is it by overdraft? Or by selling away government lands and properties?

State Leader. That is our headache. None of your business.

Gandhi. You are making the people lazy. I say, do not give such promises that you can not meet. It will ruin the state. Make people work than giving doles.

State Leader. Enough! You can go now old man . You appear to be clever.

Gandhi. Sure. But you have not answered my questions

( There is an uproar from audience that leader should clarify the doubts and answer questions)

Leader. ( Wipes the face with a hanky and feels nervous as the speech was a prepared and rehearsed one and the queries could not be answered). Ok. I request the State leader to clarify your doubts

Stae leader . Why are you worried about these things now? I said we shall do surely if we are voted to power. Have you not seen how we gave rains all these years? You have been breathing fresh air all these years in our rule. Do not forget.

Gandhi. (Claps) Haa…haa . You are claiming that you got the rains. What a folly! Do not forget that it is God who gives you rains and air, not political parties.

State leader. True. Because we ruled well the God was happy and gave us rains

Gandhi. Do you know your meeting caused great inconvenience to people. One lady delivered in her car that was stuck in road jam due to the meeting.

State leader. Such things happen at times. Any how I am happy she is safe and delivered a baby boy. I will give some grant and money too.

Gandhi. It is not to your credit. It is for the God.

State Leader. These are small mishaps. Such things do happen. Please do not blow over things. Any how, from where you have come? Your make up is good. You deserve a prize.( He looks at the official). Please call him to office tomorrow and I shall give a certificate of appreciation for dressing exactly like MK Gandhi.

Gandhi. Look Sir! I am the real Gandhi. Not a fake one.

State leader. Do not be cranky. How can it be? He died many years ago.

Gandhi. True. But he did not die on his own. He died because Godse killed him.

State leader.OK..OK. It is my mistake

Gandhi. Look sir . All these are Ok. But you have not made clear how you will meet all your promises?

State leader. We shall see later on

Gandhi. That is no answer sir

State leader. Enough. Now please go back. Thanks for coming.

( He tries to shake hands with Gandhi. But he shakes hand only in air. State leader becomes perplexed. He does it repeatedly and fails. He then becomes nervous while Gandhi laughs)

Gandhi. Heee. Heee. Look! You could not touch me. I am the real Gandhi with a divine body. If I was a fake imposter you could have touched me

( State leader gets nervous and wants to avoid Gandhi. He looks at security officials)

( Security officials try to bring down Gandhi from the dais. But they are unable to hold him. Instead they hold each other. They are perplexed while Gandhi laughs. The central leader in the mean time is led away from behind and goes away in a helicopter. State leader is stuck. Gandhi is seen at several places and security officials do not know what to do. Every one runs to catch Gandhi . But they fail and fall one over other in a heap. Some break limbs)

Gandhi. Come on guys! Enough of it. You can never catch me. Better vanish from here and do not fool around people with false promises that you can never meet.

( Gandhi picks up mike and speaks to the crowd)

Gandhi. Hello..Hello..Hello ,Come on friends! Please do not be carried away by election promises. These are promises only to be forgotten.You will be ditched. No government can meet the promises. Think before you ink.Do not ink without thinking. Or you will cry later on. Use your brains before voting and all of you have brains. Am sure you have. Do not be narrow minded during voting. Overcome regional feelings, caste and community hatred, Religious hatred and narrow sectarian feuds. Best of luck to you. My only words are these for you. Bye. Best of Luck.

( Gandhi gets down the platform while security officials are scared to even speak and they are huddled in a corner. Gandhi sings Ramdhun… Raghu pathi Raghava Raja Ram…. And people chant the song.. People shout Gandhiji ki Jai.. Nehruji ki Jai… Patelji ki Jai… Subhaji ki Jai…. Gandhi and trio vanish suddenly.. The crowds melts away)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao