Sunday, March 15, 2009



Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

( It is a railway station in India very busy and simmering with people. People are busy and the activities are intense. Many are squatting on the ground as there are no sufficient seats and benches to sit. A family is seen sitting near a pillar over a bed sheet spread on the ground. There are three kids, a dog, a cat and a rooster tied with a string near them. Lot of suit cases, bags are also with them…The kids are getting restive..The kids are Atul, Neena and Asha. Mothers name is Ratna and husband is Ramlaal.)

Atul. Papa! I am feeling thirsty and want water.

Asha. Papa! I want coffee.

Ramlaal. Ok. Please wait . I shall get some coffee and water too.

( He picks up a bottle and flask and goes to the tea stalls)

Ramlaal. Oh Bhai. Please give me three cups of coffee in this flask

Vendor. Sorry sir. Coffee is over. There is a soft drink. That is only available today.

Ramlaal. Please give me three bottles. Some thing is better than nothing.

( The vendor hands over three bottles filled with drink)

Ramlal( looks at the bottles and reads the markings on them.( It is written Couppis coola.) What is this new drink?

Vendor. It is the latest drink in the market. It is Ayurvedic potion and is good for health. It is made from Cow urine. It is actually Cow Piss Cola. But to make the title interesting it has been spelled like that. heee…heee

Ramlaal. Eee….eee..eee. (He drops the bottle which does not break as it is made of polythene).

( On lookers laugh loudly)

Vendor. Sir. Do not get upset sir. It is priced at half the price of other soft drinks in market. It is full of vitamins and nutrients. Sir ! Please take this pamphlet that also explains the product( The pamphlet carries the photograph of Morarji Desai former Prime Minister of India).

Ramlaal. Oh No!. ( Runs to the wash basin and washes hands and there is no soap water there. He picks up some dust from ground and rubs his palms)

( An European standing at the wash basin look amazed for the Indian ingenuity for washing hands. He looks at a push cart vendor who is selling the soft drinks on the platforms. He is shouting too…)

Push cart vendor. Couppis coola….Couppis coola… Hear ..hear… A great soft drink.. So cheap. Half the rate of other soft drinks.. Rush fast. Limited stocks are available.

( On a bench are seated Gandhi, Patel, Nehru and they are waiting to catch a train)

Vendor ( looking at Nehru). Sir . You look Nehru sahib. How about this soft drink? It is chilled.

Nehru. What is this new drink? I never heard about it.

( the vendor hands over a pamphlet to Gandhi who does not read fully and looks at the photograph)

Gandhi. This pamphlet says it is the idea of Morarji Desai, former Prime Minister.

(Suddnly there is a flash and Morarji Desai appears. )

Morarji. Bapu. Namaste, Nehruji Namaste, Sardar Patel sahib Namaste. I am delighted to see all of you here. Although we are all in heavens we never meet.

Gandhi. Hello Mr Desai. Welcome. What is this pamphlet that carries your snap?

Desai. Sir . This is Coupis coola. The cow urine. I patronized when was the PM of India. It is for drinking

Patel. Chee…Chee..Chee

Nehru. Eee…ee….ee.. eee ( He is about to vomit and Patel holds Nehrus head and closes ears)

Gandhi. How could you do that Mr Desai? Did you not have any better thing to do?

Desai. What is wrong Bapu? Even doctors have certified it. Many books were also written signifying its value with medicinal value.

Gandhi. That could be. You were in power. No one wanted to hurt you and get cross with you. They were probably doing your bhajan ( worship).

Desai. Bapu. It could not be like that. Look I lost power and died too. It was almost two decades over. After my stepping down as PM, every one forgot about cow urine therapy. It has come up again. That means there is something powerful and genuine about it.

Patel. Morarji Bhai. Look. All over the world, we would become laughing stock with this coupis coola and will be treated as jokers and cranks.

Morarji. Why it should be? This is our country and it is our wish. We have our own culture.

Nehru. Is it cow culture or cow piss culture?

Morarji. Both.

Gandhi. Any how, let us see what happens to this couppis coola ( sings).

Indians are really nuts and great
However they are governed by sad fate
Now they are engulfed by cow piss
Which they some how now can not miss

The couppis coola could be now the national drink
Even if it thoroughly is of great stink
Morarji is the founder and the great connecting link
He feels after drinking this, all would get healthy and pink

Morarji. Bapu. Just think about this. Did you not patronize Goats milk? Every one must have laughed too. So there is nothing wrong in drinking Cow piss. Look Bapu. I am not forcing any one to drink.

Gandhi. I am only worried some crazy government could forcibly implement at Government hospital specially like Lau foreced railways to sell tea in mud cups ( Gulla)

Nehru. Bapu! Do you think they included Therapy with Cow piss as a curriculam in Degree course leading to MBBS degree, BAMS?

Gandhi. I am not sure. I do not know what medical council of India thinks? Most probably they will not agree. It may become part of Ayurvedic medicine.They may introduce Diploma in Cow piss therapy and practices. They may even waive off fees for this course.

Patel. With this, cow becomes more important in India. Every part is becoming useful. Cow dung cakes has always been very pious and useful as fuel and as material for floor preparation in huts. Now cow piss caught the attention. Three cheers to cows.. Hip.. Hip Hurray.. Cow piss Zindabad ( Long live) ( He gets up and does a fast jig)

( In the mean time three stray cows get on to platform and urinate right there and also leave cow dung. Suddenly railway safaiwallahs (Cleaning personnel) arrive shouting and screaming and beat the cows mercilessly with sticks and the cows run away. One of the cow runs to Gandhi.)

Cow. Look. Bapu ( Sings)

Mr. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
I am the poor and innocent cow
Look! How I have been beaten in front of you
Reasons only they know why and how

You say in India cow is highly revered
And it is treated as a mother and Goddess
Look! How badly I am beaten up
Your theory has already been a big mess

Gandhi. I am sorry dear mother. I shall see your case is taken up ( Sings)

Look Oh Indians! Thankless to the core
This is Gandhi speaking out my mind
When do you learn to respect your cow mother?
Is it after getting a kick from behind?

(Gandhi along with Nehru and Patel sit down on the floor in protest and shout slogans against Railway officials for ill treating cows on the platform. On- lookers collect and gather around and start shouting slogans for ill treating cows by a government agency. There is a great commotion and railway protection force personnel arrive there along with a pot bellied Inspector)

Inspector. What is this nonsense going on here? Who are these nuts sitting?

Gandhi. I am Gandhi. Bapu, Father of nation. Any doubts?

Inspector. Whoever you may be. You can not disturb peace here. You are causing disturbance in public place. More over you are armed with long stick. Are you crazy shouting for a cow? You may be arrested. Please leave peacefully. Do not force us. If required we may open fire even.

Nehru. Inspector. I am Nehru and ruled this land for 16 years before you were even born. Show these threats to some one. Not to Gandhi, Nehru and Patel.

Inspector. Look. You all are imposters. Just want to get some popularity by dressing like this. We see daily scores dressed like this and begging on the platform.

Patel. But we are not fake. We are real. Shall we show?

Inspector. What you can show? Come on constables! Catch hold of these jokers and lock them up and give a good bashing afterwards. If we do this we may even get police medals for bravery. Who knows? We may even get Ashok Chakras now.

(The constables, all stout, over weight and heavy gasping fall on Patel first. Patel is the iron man of India and the moment they fall on Patel their limbs are broken and they fall down shouting..Margay.. Bacho. Some more constables rush at Gandhi and Nehru. They vanish and stand on top of the railway bogie. )

Gandhi. Look! Constables. Catch me if you can

Nehru. Hee…hee..hee… Come catch me if you can

(Inspector and some constables rush to climb bogie and Gandhi gestures at them like Mandrake the magician and the police personnel are thrown off the ground to a distance of thirty feet. Inspector and the constables break their limbs and lie down groaning and yelling.. Bacho.. Bacho.. The aggrieved cows too return and try to trample the fallen guys)

Gandhi.. No.. No.. Mother cows.. Spare them. They are ignorant and clueless. The uniform has made them like that. Forgive them.

(The cows get pacified and withdraw and stand at a distance still panting and puffing with anger.)

Gandhi. Now Look! Inspector. You can not act arbitrary. Learn to see reason. Next time better behave well. May god bless you. You are there not to be a tyrant. Remember you are appointed for public welfare. You can not use force arbitrarily.

(Gandhi and his friends disappear singing Ramdhun while the police personnel lie in a heap on the platform unable to get up and walk. Cows appear happy and squat there)

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

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