INTOTHE PAST WITH PAIN...260

INTO THE PAST WITH PAIN…260
Dr K Prabhakar Rao

(Gandhi, Patel and Nehru are seen in Delhi at Feroz shah Kotla Maidan . There is a huge crowd. The political Cricket match is to be played between two teams. One is led by Atal Bihari Bajpai and the other is by Dr Man mohan singh. Many police guys are there with machine guns. They requested for Tank support , but Army refused. The tournament has few teams. Other teams are led by Mayawati, Mulayam singh Yadav,Karuna nidhi, Bal thackery, The first match is between Congress party and BJP. Dr Man mohan singh and Bajpaiji in cricket dress walk out with out umpires for tossing the coin. They are captains of their teams. The umpires are missing . There is some commotion. People are whistling and making cat calls.)

Dr Singh. Now what to do? Where these umpires are missing?

Bajpai. Dr Singh, who were nominated as umpires?

Dr Singh. They were Deve Gowda from Karnataka and Rosiah from AP.

Bajpai. They should have been here in time.

Dr Singh. They were told to be in time.

Bjapai. Devegowda must have slept some where. I am sure. He was sleeping in meetings when he was PM too. There is no point searching for him. How about Mr Rosiah?

Dr Singh. He is much scared to leave AP. He must be scared to leave his seat that is always under threat. I was told he always tied his chair to himself or else some one might pull it away. He was scared of Jagan in particular .

Bajpai. Haa.haaa..haa. Dr singh You are witty too. I thought you are only a serious economist. Now what to do? Already we are getting late. After some time, public will throw bottles at us.

Dr Singh. Bajpaiji. Economist has to be jovial too. He should take people for a camel ride keeping them in good humor. They should not feel the pinch of budget and taxes that are mostly anti people in entire world.That is law of economics. Look. We are used to this type of public behavior in parliament. There also the elected representatives get into blows and fight like bears. Tamasha is there every day. They shout , run into well, gesticulate, lie on ground, tear papers, break mikes, wildly wave hands, dance on desks and scream. Ohfo. My head is getting very heavy with all that shit. My turban is getting heavy day by day. I feel as if I am wearing a cast iron turban.

Bajpai. You are safe in that. Let us not wait. We shall have some other guys as umpires.

Dr Singh. How? They must know rules of game.

Bajpai. Where is the requirement of knowing things. Are we appointing ministers for various portfolios taking their knowledge. Some state appoint home ministers who have no clue of any thing leave of law and order and policing. A politician need no know any thing in this country.He should be able to corner votes. That’s all. We shall take some sane guys. I wish Bapu, Patel and Nehru would have made good umpires.

( Gandhi, Patel and Nehru hear the conversation. They have divine ears. )

Gandhi.( screams ) Oh Bhai ( brother). We are here in the crowd. We are at your service. Please take us. We shall make good umpires. We are free now and have no work.

Patel. Yeah. We shall be fair too. Now we do not belong to any political party.

Bajpai. But all of you are from Congress party.

Gandhi. That congress died long ago. Now what you have is a pseudo congress party of Indira Gandhi. My party died long ago.

Bajpai. You had two bulls on the flag.

Patel. They were bullocks and not bulls. They were castrated bulls. We could not prevent partition. We gave away Pakistan not being dynamic . We were docile like bullocks and not aggressive as bulls. Those bullocks were already sold to slaughter house and already they were made into Samosas and kheema..

Bajpai. How sad? Dr Singh, What you say for this?

Dr Singh.( within himself) These guys might be annoyed with our congress. But what to do?.. Look Bajpaiji.. How can we have them? They were dead long ago. These guys must be some tricksters and from a drama party. They might have dressed up like the leaders.

Patel. Dr Singhji. We are real guys and came from heavens. Believe us. We are better than any other guys from your present leaders. Name any one who is not in trouble and not involved in past or present scam.

Dr Singh. Bajpaiji, I think we have no way.

Bajpai. Dr Singh. Gulzarilal Nanda also would have made a good umpire.

Dr Singh. We can ask him to be expert commentator. We should have had Sachin Tendulkar and Sunil Gavaskar as professional experts.

Bajpai. Sachin is now in Australia struggling to get a hundred. I do not know about Sunil.

Dr Singh. Luck is not with Sachin now a days. I wish he gets his hundred soon. That will close and stitch the mouths of his critics.

Bajpai. Haa..Haa..haa .Wells said. People yap unnecessarily. They forget their times. They become self glorified experts and legends. OK. We shall call the trio here.

Dr Singh. Hello Bhai. Plesae come here

( He waves to the trio and the trio jump over the ropes and run to Dr Singh. Gandhi has his long stick with him. They are in their normal dress.)

Dr Singh. This dress would not do. You must have cricket umpire dress with European white hat.

Bajpai. Earlier all teams wore white dress, because it was gentlemans game.

Dr Singh. Now the teams wear colorful dresses except umpires. That means only umpires are gentlemen.

Bajpai. They have to be, as they are the judges.

Dr Singh. Now a days the teams get into controversies. So they wearing no non while dresses is justified.

Bajpai. Well said Dr Sahib. Haa.. Haaa.Haa . How about going ahead with these umpires from the crowd?

Dr Singh. (Reluctantly) OK

Bajpai.( Looking at the trio) . Mr Gandhi You three would be our Umpires. Now, we have to toss the coin. Dr Singh is the PM of this country. So I agree that he will be the person to call once the coin is tossed up.

Dr Singh. Thanks.

( Gandhi takes a rupee coin from Dr Singh and flips into air. Dr singh calls “head”. The coin drops on to ground and does not lie flat. There is a small slit in the ground and it lands into the slit and stands vertically.)

Gandhi. This is very rare. This is neither tail nor head. This is a world record. Dr Singh , your name will go down in the history of cricket.

Bajpai. What to do now?

Dr Singh. We shall repeat the toss.

( Gandhi flips the coin. Dr singh calls tails. The coin is about to come down and suddenly a crow swoops down and takes away the coin)

Bajpai. Ohfo. What a luck! From where this crow has come now?

Gandhi. Why do you curse the crow? It is innocent. It thought the coin to be some eatable. I shall use another coin. Dr Singh, Please give a rupee coin.

( Dr singh gives the coin and Gandhi flips it. Dr singh calls Heads. This time the coin falls flat and shows heads.)

Dr Singh. Yeah.. Yeah.. I won.

Bajpai. Sir , You won only toss, not the game .You need not show off that way.

Dr singh. Having won the toss, I shall choose batting first.

Bajpai. As you wish sir.

( The team captains and umpires retire to the pavilion. After some time, the umpires walk back along with the BJP team led by Bajpai. He is unable to walk and is brought supported by two guys. After some time, Dr Singh and Sibal come out wearing pads to open innings. All clap loudly. From BJP side, Swamy is opening the bowling. He is a fast bowler of some repute. Dr Singh is to take strike first.)

(Swamy is about to deliver the ball and Gandhi the umpire notices that Dr Singh is looking down and not at the bowler. He stops Swamy.)

Gandhi. Dr Singh. Please look at the bowler. You are holding the bat well. Please do not look down as if you are reading a script in parliament or in front of a TV camera. This is cricket. If you are not careful, the ball will break your teeth. No tooth will be left. This is not tennis ball. You may have to put on helmet.

Dr Singh. Ohfo. I forgot . Now I will be careful.

Swamy ( shouting) Here comes my bumper..oooofff

( Swamy throws a bumper to Dr Singh. Dr singh does not know any thing about it. The balls goes over his head in to the boundary. Dr Singh goes to umpire Gandhi and protests.)

Dr Singh. He is throwing the ball very fast. I can not even see it. How I shall hit it. He has to bowl slowly.

Gandhi. There is no rule that he should bowl slowly. In cricket he can bowl at lightening speed.

Dr Singh. If some one gets hit what will happen?

Gandhi. What can happen? He will go to hospital. It is as simple as that. Long ago, there was an Indian captain named Nari Contractor and he was hit by a bouncer from Fast bowler Griffiths of west Indians. Poor guy’s skull was broken and was admitted to hospital and had to be operated. His career was finished with that. From then onwards guys are wearing helmets. It is better to wear helmet than dying on field.

Dr Singh. I do not want to be in that position. I am very serious. I have to bring a law in parliament restricting speed in cricket for bowlers.

Gandhi. All countries have to agree. Europeans and Caribbeans are meat eaters and they are well built. They can bowl faster. Indians are physically weak. They mostly eat Idli sambar and wheat. From where and how they can bowl fast? Sir. Please go back and start playing.

Dr Singh. How can I escape this batting.

Gandhi. Sir. You can retire hurt or get stumped by moving out of crease.

Dr Singh. I shall retire as I am having serious stomach pain.

Gandhi. That is fine. You can go back to pavilion.

(Gandhi declares that Dr Singh has retired as he had serious twitching stomach pain after facing the bouncer.)

Dr Singh. Thank you Mr Gandhi. I am much obliged. You saved me from this.( Hastily he runs away)

( All the cricket players from BJP gather around Swamy and congratulate him for sending such a great bouncer at Dr Singh. Score board displayed score as zero for one wicket. Bajpai pats swamy on shoulder. Next batsman walks in. He is Raja. He swings his bat allaround and does some situps and takes guard. Swamy rushes in and bowlsa inswinger. Raja takes a swing at the ball and misses it. The balls goes through wickets and goes to boundary. All three wickets are thrown into the crowd. Raja walks back upset and looking angrily at Swamy. Swamy does a jig while all team mates pat him. The next batsman is Chidamabram. He is with helmet and takes guard, Swamy bowls at him an outswinger. Chidamabram flashes at the ball and the ball flies to Gandhi the umpire. Gandhi suddenly takes a catch. He realises he has done a mistake and throws the ball to Bajpai and he catches it. All cricketers appeal and he is given out. He walks back hanging his head. Sibal goes to Gandhi and starts arguing with him.)

Gandhi. Mr Sibal. Go back to your place or I shall give you out. You can not fight here. This is not your office. I am the umpire. My word is final.

Sibal. Why did you catch the ball?

Gandhi. If I had not caught, it would have hit me. So I have to catch it, understand.

Sibal. I register my protest.

Gandhi.I shall call the other umpire.

( He calls Patel for consultation)

Gandhi. Patel. What do you say ?

Patel. He is out. There is no way out. You are correct. Mr Sibal, relax and go to your place. I shall count three. If you do not go back, you will be given out and fined too.

( Sibal starts walking back while Patel counts… one.. two.. Sibal suddenly slips and falls down and does not reach the crease. Patel gives him out. All cricketers jump and shout Yeah.. Yeah)

Gandhi. Patel. Both batsmen are out . What will happen now?

Patel. Nothing can happen. Two new men will arrive.

(In the mean time a message is received from Dr Singh that he has declared his innings as no one is willing to bat. They are also not willing to bowl either. The remaining players have stomach pain. Gandhi declares innings closed for zero. As per Duckworth rule he declares BJP team as winners. There is great jubilation in Bajpais camp. All go to pavilion)

Gandhi. Patel. This has been interesting match. The team is out for zero runs. They conceded match without bowling a single ball. The match is over within one over.

Patel. True. Haa..haaa. It has been a fun infact. Let us go. Where is Jawaharlal?

Gandhi. He never came on to field. He must be resting in pavilion.

Patel. Haa..Haa..Haa. Let us go.

( Gandhi and Patel walk back to pavilion)

CURTAIN FALLS

---------------- Note: Content of this blog post is writer's personal opinion