INTO THE PAST WITH PAIN...248

INTO THE PAST WITH PAIN…..248

Dr K Prabhakar Rao

(Gandhi, Patel and Nehru are seen at a road crossing near LB Nagar in Hyderabad. They want to cross the road and for the last two hours they had been trying to cross over. But they failed. They are vexed up.)

Patel. Bapu. What a cockeyed and shitty place this city is? We are struggling for the last two hours just to cross the road.

Gandhi. This is India brother. Understand. That too this is Hyderabad.

Nehru. What does that mean?

Patel. There is so much of chaos here. Look Bapu at that police man. He is chatting with some auto driver. He appears to be his friend. He is chewing pan also. Both are laughing too. Where is traffic control?

Gandhi. It is good that a Police constable is talking to an auto rickshaw driver in friendly manner for a change. This is very great and un heard. We only hear and see that they try to catch them for traffic violations, wrong meters, for charging additional fares and for polluting engines, At times, they have lathis ( stout sticks) in hand and hammer them at auto stands and other places for wrong parking, yelling and abusing too.

Patel. Bapu. Let us try to cross over. I shall watch. You go first. I shall follow you.

Gandhi. Surely.

( Gandhi holds his stick and tries to cross over. Suddenly a motorcyclist zooms in and stops with great squeaking sound.The motor cyclist has no helmet and speaking in cell phone that is tucked between his head and shoulder. In fact his eyes are pointing skywards. Gandhi runs backwards and another car speeding up is almost about to hit Gandhi and comes to a screeching halt.The car driver is also seen speaking into his cell phone. They throw choicest abuses at Gandhi.)

Motor cyclist. You bloody old man. Do you want to die? Where is the hurry? If you die, we shall be booked for none of our fault. Is this the place for begging in the dress of Gandhi?

Gandhi. Sorry son. I thought I can cross over. I am real Gandhi and not a beggar. Please don’t insult senior citizens. Try and learn to respect elders. One day you will also get old. At 79 I am able to walk. When you turn 79, probably you will be on stretcher or wheel chair. Do you think you will be eternally a youth? Remember, you can not escape old age unless you die young. I pray to god to give wisdom to youngsters in this country so that they learn to respect elders.. May god bless you. Look son, You are not even 15 years. How you are driving the bike? Is your dad irresponsible?

Motor cyclist. That is none of your business. My dad is a political leader. He knows all police people. No police man is dare enough to catch me. Do you mean I am unwise? God needs to bless you. You would have died under the vehicle.

Gandhi. God knows whom to bless. Every one will live up to the destined limit. I shall not die even if you want to kill me. On the other hand, you might die even if you want to live. Life and death are not in our hands. Please know this truth.

Patel. Bapu. Come back. Please do not fight with those clowns. They may harm you.

Car owner. Ohfo.What idiotic characters are around in this nation! Why this clown has to cross now in this traffic? Where is the hurry? Absolutely there is no civic sense in this country. It is my misfortune that I returned from USA. More over, he is preaching morals and philosophy to us. It is better we crush them under wheels and then go to jails.

Patel. Bapu come back soon. Or else, you may be crushed. These vehicle owners have no sense and consideration.. They feel the road is their dad’s or grandfather’s property.

( Gandhi returns and all onlookers laugh. The motor cyclist and car owner throw choicest abuses at Gandhi and then keep quiet. On lookers pacify the vehicle owners and condemn Bapu.)

Patel. Bapu. We are stuck here any how. Let us have some sightseeing. We might have some bird watching too.

Gandhi. What is there to see around? Where are the birds? I see only some crows hopping at roadside near dust bin and I also see some eagles in sky circling around looking for carrion. See, there are few vultures feasting on a dead calf not far away from the road. No municipal guy is bothered about the dead calf. Tragedy is that LB Nagar commissioner’s office is next door. But none bothers. Even common sparrows have disappeared from cities. Forget about parrots and minas.

Patel. Bapu, vultures feast on dead animals. Some of our shady political leaders are worst than them. They feed on humans who elected them. Look at that traffic island. There is a devil statue. It is very big.

Gandhi. Why a devil statue out of all? Strange indeed. If my statue is erected in present days, one should be surprised. If you go to UP, Mayawathis statues are erected after every one foot. AP is no less. We have Rajiv statues everywhere. Ambedkar is also very popular.

Patel. I think it is befitting now. Devils are also standing along with twin statues of national leaders. Let us go near it and see from close.

(They some how manage to go to the statue)

Gandhi. What this could be? He is standing along with national leaders. Is he Bakasura or Ravana?

Patel. He might be Narakasura, Nisumbha, Sumbha or Kumbhakarna. But he is facing other direction.

Nehru. I am sure, he is Hidimbasura or Hiranyakshya.But he will not be far better than our leaders. Our leaders have brought freedom to this land and we won wars also under them. Gets inspiration and sings:-

Ham laye hai toofan se Kashti nikal ke
Iss desh ko rakhana mere bachho sambhal ke
Tumhee bhavishya ho is bharat vishal ke
Iss desh ko rakhana mere bacho sambhal ke

(We have brought the boat out of the storm
Oh! children now it your duty to keep this nation safe
You are the future of this large nation
Oh! children now it is your duty to keep this nation safe )

Patel. Well done Jawaharlal. I never knew you could sing so well. Wish I had harmonium to accompany you. Congratulations Panditji. But we guys brought a leaky boat from storm. It was about to sink. The Englishmen got rid off India. They were much relieved. Now the leak has become very big after the rats have eaten portions of the boat all these years. Now tell me who are the rats? The vessel will surely sink as the captain of the vessel is not interested in saving it. He will also go down with it. Time is not far off. It is around the corner. The vessel is struggling to stay afloat.

Nehru. Thanks dear. You know who are these rats. Why ask me? Whole country knows about them.

Patel. Why glorify guys? But we also lost shamefully in the hands of Chinese army in 1962 war. It was an eternal disgrace. We can never wipe it off . Under leadership of our leaders, we are unable to check or eradicate terrorism. Jihadis could storm Bombay and kill innocents indiscriminately while administration was sleeping. Tragedy is that these jihadis came for a morning walk from the shores at India gate holding weapons and killed people on streets. Justice has not been brought to the victims. The thugs are still in jails eating chicken biryani , Murg musallam, Fish cutlets and roasted chops and the leaders have no courage to hang them although sentenced by courts. In the eyes of world, our nation has been projected as a timid, impotent and inactive nation devoid of spirit and action. Where is the scope for boasting about our leaders? They made a mockery of India all these years. They take shelter behind Gandhian thought and Buddhist sermons.

Look Jawaharlal you brought us the greatest shame
It was worst than the third Panipat war
Yet people sing your name with drums and trumpets
In every case of you all appears to be fair and without a bar.

Gandhi. Patel. Leave him. There is no point hitting a dead snake. Let us look at this statue. It is interesting. It must be the first time in the world that a devil statue is erected in a country. This is great. We must be proud of our achievements. Please remember, Indians invented zero and correctly we are now a zero. We should be always first in everything. In the list of corrupt nations, we figure at the high end of the list. We must get to the top and I am sure we shall reach top soon at this rate, the way the country is being governed. We are also probably the top most nation where maximum number of countrymen are killed by jihadis. In cricket also, we are at top although in England we displayed shamefully. In Gilli danda of course we are world champions. But if Gilli Danda is played by other nations, we are sure to loose the title. Once, we were on top in hockey too. With Dhyan chand our Dhyan (commitment) also disappeared. Now we are at bottom in hockey. In chess also, we were world champions. In snooker also we were at top. It is a feather in our cap. We are the first guys in world to preach non violence.

Patel. True. Therefore, in honesty our guys are big zero. As you said from now, we must wear some cap to keep a feather on it. We have to become topiwallah. Bapu, search your cap or put a rubber band around your bald head.. I lost my cap long ago. What type of feather we should keep in the cap.

Gandhi. Hee..heee..Kings used to keep feathers of swan or pheasants in their head gear. There are no swans. Lord Krishna kept feathers of peacock from its tail. We can keep that of a wild duck or eagle or even a vulture.

Patel. Why not of crow? It is the most common bird. Emu is also a craze these days.

Gandhi. It is difficult to decide. So, we shall ask Jawaharlal. He is Pandit. He will have many ideas. We want him to rediscover India now.

Nehru. Please stop this nonsense talk. I am not interested in any feathers. Please do not condemn our own people. I am not interested to be called a Pundit. We were also leaders. I am not interested in any feather. We shall look like jokers with feathers on our bald heads.

Gandhi. As if, we are not already such guys and you are correct. But why say we were? Now also we are leaders. We are also big zeros. Our country men believed that they would get freedom and India would be again a mighty nation. But what we have achieved? We gave them moth eaten India. Mohammed Ali Jinnah said that he got moth eaten Pakistan. We got a permanent enemy on both sides. Even Nepal shows thumb to us. Burma does not care for us. Indonesia heckles at us. Lanka is could not careless for us. Even Mauritius does not like us. We accepted partition. Entire nation blames us. Bangladesh shows left thumb to us. Is it not true? Nathuram VinayakGodse squarely blamed me for partition and vivisecting the country. Please read his statement published by Gopal Godse ( Nathuram’s brother) after ban was lifted by the courts.

Patel. Very true. Where is the doubt Bapu? We are all responsible. We could not stand against you. We had no independent views. Like sheep we followed you. We had no voice. We simply clapped to whatever you said. We also sang “Yes sir yes sir three bags full”. We sang your Bhajans. We were very timid. In the end, you also paid for it very dearly.

Gandhi. I was already 79 years old and physically famished. How long I would have lived? It may be another 7 years at the best. I did not loose much. If I was killed before we got freedom, it would have made some difference.

Patel. I do not think so. The world does not stop for any one. Those years could have made great difference in India. Hyderabad would have become Central Pakistan with Nizam’s successors still ruling the people. It would have been a permanent enemy and a cancerous tumor in the belly. Kasim Razvi would have been the father of nation of central Pakistan. I am sure Razvi would have become a dictator after dethroning Nizam. In fact, he was planning it even before Police action. Juna garh would have gone to Pakistan. Kashmir would have gone to Pakistan. India would have been an headless country.

Gandhi. How things are different now? You are over emphasizing and imagining things.

Patel. I am very correct. Imagine India with three Pakistans to deal with.

Gandhi. Are we not living with Two Pakistans now? Bangladesh literally is another Pakistan. Only name is changed. People and policies are same. We would have lived with three Pakistans. In future, another Pakistan also would be carved out if Kashmir is lost. That would be 4 th Pakistan. Recently a guy from Anna Hazares team spoke in favor of Pakistan on Kashmir issue. When our own stalwarts speak siding Pakistan , how long we can hold Kashmir. Omar Abdullah the CM of J and K wants army’s powers to be reduced in the state so that army can be side lined. He wants a castrated army in the state. If Muslim district in Kerala turns into another Pakistan, it would be fifth Pakistan. Very soon even Mughalistan could be a reality. I learnt that even Haryana and Rajasthan would have Muslim districts soon. They also would become Pakistan. It would be sixth Pakistan. Look Patel, things do not remain same all the time. Changes do come. We have to adjust with changes. There is no guarantee that India would remain like this in future. With growing regionalism every state would try to get independence one day. Uttar Pradesh wants to break into four states. All eastern states will have majority Muslims and they might merge with Bangladesh one day. Andhra Pradesh could break into two or three. Karnataka also would break into two. Tamil nadu also will break .There is a grand design for greater Tamilstan with Srilankan tamils aided by LTTE. In fact Periyar long ago claimed that Tamils would form a separate country if Hindi was forcibly imposed on them. Maharashtra would break into three states soon. There is no end. Finally there will not be any federal India if the leaders in India play dirty regional politics as they are doing today.

Patel. Great Bapu. Your theory is great. You deserve Nobel prize in political thinking. Any how, God saved India and it’s people.

Gandhi. These are conjectures. Realities are different. The growing regional feeling in Indians will spell doom to this country. The sadist leaders are promoting such policies. It is not far away. We lost track of statue sadly in our discussions. Let us examine it.

Patel. True. Let us do it.

(Gandhi raises his fist and yells Yeah..Yeah. (Does super fast jig). Then he reads a caption at the bottom of the devil statue engraved over a brass plaque)

Gandhi. Eat salt very less. It is dangerous. It will cause heart stroke and very high blood pressure…Dedicated to people of Hyderabad city , the diabetic capital of India.. Oh! I now understand.

Patel. This has been promoted by some health conscious nuts. Hyderabad has maximum number of sugar (Diabetic) patients in the world. But to erect the devil statues along with leaders is bad. After all, leaders have to be segregated from devils. I do not know why a brass plate is used. Some one will surely steal it one day.

Gandhi. Better it is. They can give more contracts for new brass plates. More swindling can take place. If a marble plaque is used who will steal it? In some way, it is appropriate now. Politics has become a rotten thing now in India. Many leaders are involved in scams, money swindling, corruption, murders, election mischief, booth capturing, distributing money in constituencies, supplying liquor, kidnappings and abetting the shady guys and you name a crime, they are there and involved too. What is bad about erecting devil statues? People already are asking, how leaders are different from devils now? Devils are leaders and leaders are devils. Do you remember the slogan.. Indira is India and India is Indira? This slogan was coined by stooges of Mrs Gandhi after India won 1971 war with Pakistan. This is also like that. Lal Bahadurji coined jai jawan, jai kisan. This has remained a slogan only. None cares for a Jawan and a farmer. Talk to an Ex serviceman and talk to a farmer. You shall know realities. Ex serviceman feels that he was used as gun fodder. Farmers feel that rulers have let them down in all aspects. Globalization in India has ruined farmers in India. Cottage industries have disappeared in India. If Wall Marts enter India, farmers will be next ones to commit suicide. I have coined this slogan… leader can be a devil and devil can be a leader. This is the real slogan for this century….aa…aaaa..haa..hee..hee..ou..ou..ou..ooooo.

Patel. Yeah. Many of them were mere clowns and stooges of first order. They were just boot lickers and chamchas (sycophants). They had nothing to do than doing Amma ( Mother) Bhajan or Gandhi Bhajan ( Not MK Gandhi)and glorify Nehru family. They had no inner own personality. They were like dead planets in front of a sun. They were mere crows in comparison to a swan. They fell at their feet for morsels of bread. But, some were honest also. They faded away or side lined. They were used and discarded as dirty linen. I know about Gulzarilal Nanda, two times acting PM, used to go around on cycle in Delhi till recently. People like Shastriji, Morarjee and Rajen babu, Gobind Ballabh pant are not remembered. Many are not even a paisa worth. But they enjoy perks, costly cars, power, position, influence, body guards, escorts,AC offices, personal assistants, cash grants, air travel, big houses. Servants, Swiss accounts, rail reservations and even become ministers and they loot further as we have seen now. Things are no different even now. This is the fact of life. The fall in political standards after getting freedom has been rather very drastic and steep.

Nehru. Why are you dragging my name? We are practicing democracy and this is free India. Every guy can do whatever he likes within limits of constitution and law. Some times, many will by- pass constitution. Nowhere it is written in constitution that one should not be boot licker or a camp follower. For personal rise one can do any thing. He can beg borrow or steal. Aim is to rise. These bootlickers are doing hero worship in fact. This is part of democracy. We wanted democracy and along with its bad things too. One can not be eternally honest in these days. Honesty and dishonesty are the two sides of the coin. It can not have only one side.

Gandhi.. Relax Jawaharlal. Take it easy. Our days were different. You must be ready to accept criticism. How do you feel that you were a hero? Most of the Indians feel that Netaji Subhas was the real hero and you and me were mere big zeros. They also glorify Patel. Did you not perpetuate dynastic succession? Is it not true that Madam Sonia is trying her best to make her son the next PM. The stooges in the party keep repeating like parrots that her son only could lead the nation while the press keep publishing the photographs of some students falling one over the other to shake hands with him like crazy nuts. Some times, they publish snaps showing him eating food in a Dalit’s house or sporting a turbine.

Patel. Please call it a Turban and not turbine. Both are different. Turbine is an Hydraulic machine used to rotate a generator at a power house. Turban is a head gear.

Gandhi. Oh Sorry. It is a mix up. They do not understand that by putting on a turban, one would not become a farmer. By eating in Dalits house caste system is not destroyed. This is shown as a great event. In fact, caste system has become more rigid now. Did I promote my sons? No. But I was adamant on my ways. I wanted all my ideas to be followed. Subhas had to resign as Congress President unable to bear with us. That was great. He was hounded out of the party some how. I always took every thing as granted. Otherwise, I threatened of going on fast. The trick worked even after getting freedom. Does any one remember the names of my sons? It is an open secret. In fact, devils are far better. They were known to be bad guys. Nothing better was expected from them. Most of the devils were highly learned, educated in scriptures and great devotees of Lord Shiva. Take example of Ravana, Vibheeshana, Indrajith, Mayasura, Bali and Hiranya kasipa. They were greatly accomplished and deserved highest national awards like Asura Ratna likeBharat Ratna of today. Our Dalits in AP feel that Asuras like Narakasura ( Devils) were not demons. In fact, they were Dalit kings of yore. They blame Aryans for twisting history and writing scriptures. They say Aryans killed them and called them demons. Some time ago, Diwali festival was celebrated by Dalits as Narakasura vardhanti( death day) at Hyderabad. In Tamilnadu, DMK party celebrates Rama Dahana ( burning) and worship Ravana on Dassera festival. In fact, I have a great suggestion. All statues of leaders must be made half showing the leader and other half of the demon. Do you know some times Lord Shiva is shown as Artha nareeswara( Half man and half woman)? This is also like that..hee..hee…heee

Patel. Haa..haa..haaa.. Strange indeed! Your suggestion is very great. You deserve a Ph D degree in arts from a university for inventing this idea.

Gandhi. Patel. What is great about an honorary doctorate from our universities? They give to all. Look, film actors, side kicks, vamps, ministers with clout, politicians and some stray educationalists, coaching center guys also get these. Recently Mr Rosiah and another state minister of AP also got one. Then they proudly write Dr in front of their names and brag about. Suddenly they become great academicians devoid of real academics and sport colorful gowns in convocation ceremonies. It is all great mockery of education. They will not write Dr ( Hony). I do not want such titles. These are ridiculous titles. In fact real Ph D guys laugh and mock and sneer at them. We deviated in anxiety. Our leaders are elected by people expecting them to serve them for five years in sincerity. Many are not educated. Many are angoota chops ( finger printers) They act well, till the elections are over. They smile at you with all their teeth. They call you brother and sister and Amma, Anna, Ayya, Kaka,Kaki,Mama,Mami, Khala, Bademiyan, Naina, Bapu, Bhayya, Beti, Akka, Bava, Beta, Babai, Attamma, Vadinamma, Chinnamma, Peddamma, Bua, Chacha, bhai, Chachi,Bhatteeja,Bamma, Tata and Tammi. They bow to you with folded hands showing great humility. People are fooled and taken for a ride. Once elections are over, everything is changed. They become VIP. They do not have time to meet people. They live in ivory towers. They want convoys and many gun men. They are shit scared to openly walk on roads. They are scared of some unknown enemy. Then they show their fangs, teeth and true colors. They have personality of chameleons. So erecting of devil statues like this is most appropriate. This should have been done long ago. Guys have become wise now. I am happy now. In fact, at every village these should be installed. Like statue of liberty in USA, a devil statue should be erected at sea shores and all international air ports and major sea ports and all railway junctions.. It is most appropriate for this country. They should be painted on all railway bogies on both sides. Express trains also can be named after Asuras. Some names could be Mareecha Express, Nisumbha express, Deccan devil, Paschim Rakasi, Ravana express, Mahishadri express, Poothana express, Tataki grand trunk express, Uttar bhooth, Punjab pisachi, Dhakini express, Syakini express etc. At every road crossing, some Devil statue should be erected. There is no dearth of devils in our scriptures. At some places, even modern devil statues also can be erected.

Patel. Bapu. Who are these modern cruel and evil men?

Gandhi. They are people like Hitler, Rudolf Hess, Mussolini, Kasim Razvi, Shabuddin Ghori, Ghaznavi, Mir jafar, Bin Qasim, Malik kafur, Veerappan.Ambhi, Major Hodson, Jai chand, Baber, Mir Baqi and many more.

Patel. Great indeed.

Gandhi. India also can be renamed as Asurasthan, Asuranad, Asurakhand, Daitya desh, Asuranchal, or Asura Pradesh. It will match with Pakistan. When foreigners arrive , they should know that they are in devils land of scams and corruption and mischief. My statues should be removed immediately every where. Or else, next to my statue, a devil statue will be erected. My image will be spoiled. I do not want to be on ten Rs note too. I do not want to identify with devils. All currency can have images of Devils instead of my photo. It is really bad that in all illegal money handling ten rupee notes are also there with my photos. How bad it is! I am a witness to all this shit.

Patel. Do you think, you have image still in India?

Gandhi. Why ? Is there any doubt? I think all love me well. Don’t you know that on my birth day and death day all the leaders in Delhi go to Rajghat and pray, do chrkha spinning and sing Ramdhun.

Patel. That is all humbug. It is a great artificial show. Once the show is over they rush back to play dirty games. Your image can not be counted based on this type of tamasha. There is a saying.. Majboori ka naam hai Mahatma Gandhi ( Helplessness is called Mahatma Gandhi).Many in heart and heart sing Gandhi nam japna .. paraya maal apna..

Gandhi.Pch..Pch.. Patel does not have many statues. I do not know about Jawaharlal. He might get upset as usual, if we recommend removal of his statues He is touchy too. Present time belongs to Nehru family. Jai Ho.. Devils. Jai jai ho devils. Well done my boys. Keep it up ( sings and does fast jig).

Devils are far better guys in fact
While the leaders in India each other they fight
They eat at the bottom of the roots
And they loot people with all their might.

Look at the Gali mining men
And also the senior Babus in looting spree
People are fooled day and night
And for these swindlers everything is fair and free

Patel. Hear .. Hear ( Claps loudly)

( Some on- lookers collect around them and also clap loudly. The crowd builds up soon. All people clap and do jig. Some do front rolls. Some do shake. Some people bring garlands and put them around the neck of the devil statue. They bow to the statue. Some guys quickly purchase camphor from a roadside shop and conduct Aarathi ( worship using lighted camphor).One guy brings a bronze bell tied to a cow’s neck and rings it while Aarthi ( worship) is performed. Seeing all this, some constables of police arrive soon. They push through the crowd and get inside. They also join the dance instantly motivated. But suddenly, they realize that they were in uniform and stop. Seeing the police personnel, people slowly cool down and finally stop doing jig. They get tired and squat on the ground along with Gandhi and Patel. They laugh loudly.)

Constable Yadiah.. Stop laughing..ee..eeee..aa..aa..I am getting mad. What is happening? Traffic has come to a halt. As it is, this place is much troublesome. Please go away. We have to clear traffic.

Gandhi. We are not obstruction traffic. We are on island. Can’t we laugh in India? Is laughing banned by parliament? When was constitution amended? Laughing is every ones birth right. Just now Jawaharlal said. This is democracy. We can do any thing we like within law. Laughing is not banned. So we are right .Let parliament ban laughing and declare that all should only weep in this country. Then we shall weep. As it is with the govt policies and taxes, people are weeping. How can we stop laughing after seeing performance of our great guys in parliament? We shall take some time to be normal. We are tired.

Yadiah. Who asked you to dance?

Patel. No one asked us. It is instantaneous.

Yadiah. Why dance on the road? You are creating public nuisance.

Patel. For police guys every one is a nuisance. If people are not there, what police will do? If people are not there, there is no need of police and they loose jobs. Remember, you must have people if you want to earn money. If people are not there, to whom will you give traffic challans for offenses decided arbitrarily? How can you meet money targets of police department? Whose bikes you will lift away? Whose cars you shall tow away? Whose licenses you shall check? From where you shall purchase uniforms? Whom you will catch at signals and take snaps and send challans by post?. From where thieves will come? From where scamsters will come? How will you carry out encounters? Therefore brother, live with us. Do not hate us. Others also will then hate you. Now listen about our problem. What to do? There is no way for crossing the road. We waited for two hours. Is there any traffic control in this city? It is absolutely chaos. You guys are busy collecting challans, lifting away two wheelers. Putting lock clamps to cars on road side than guiding traffic. When there is no place for parking, where cars and bikes are to be parked? Please tell me. We tried to cross over. We waited and waited. Yet, there was no chance. No police man helped us. Some activity has to be there. Instead of crying, we danced. Can we cross now? Please tell us.

Yadiah. Ohfo. Bhai. I am having head ache. Not now. The traffic has to clear. Lorries are lined up on all sides to a length of two kilo meters. It may take at least 16 to 17 hours before we clear.

Gandhi. When head is there, aches also will be there. Just because you have head ache, will cut off your head? I am sure you will not do. That means we can not cross over for next 17 hours. Eee..ee..

Yadiah. I can not help.. eee….. ( He pulls his hair in disgust)

( Yadiah goes away to clear traffic cursing Gandhi and Patel. He does not see a street dog that was behind him. He steps on dog’s leg. The dog screams loudly and bites his leg and runs away. )

Yadiah. Eee…eeee…aaa…aaaa… Dog has bitten me.. Save me.. eee… He sits down on the middle of the road. Please save me. I might get rabies. I have young kids.

( Other constables gather around him and examine his leg. They are Laxman and Sri Kanth .They try to console him. )

Laxman. Ohfo. What a silly dog! I know that dog. People call it as KuttaRaja. It stays here only. It has bitten people earlier also. All the guys died soon. But no one has killed the dog although we complained. It prefers to bite municipal guys and police men. Last week I escaped from it. One traffic SI was also chased by it. He fell down from bike and fractured his hand. In hospital, they had to amputate the fractured portion of hand that wrote millions of traffic challans with a crooked smile. He is at home now. He might loose job too. He may get some money.

Sri Kant. Why the dog chased him?

Laxman. He kicked the dog while riding the bike. It got angry and chased him. The SI was confused and slipped and crashed.

Sri Kant. You said others whom this dog bit died. That means our friend also will die.

Laxman. Probably. Let us ring up for ambulance. If he dies, he must get Bharat ratna or atleast Ashok Chakra , highest peace time gallantry award.

Patel. Why? What great act he has done?

Laxman. He was very brave while on duty. He is likely to give up life in course of duty ( if he dies). So he has to be given Bharat ratna if he dies. Bharat Ratna has become very common now. Ashok Chakra was given to some police guys after they were killed in the car during 26/11 without firing a shot at the enemy. They were very brave to take shots from terrorists without retaliating with their personal arms. It will be like a police medal. Where is ambulance?

Sri Kant. How it will come here? Traffic is jammed. In USA, they have chopper facility.

Laxman. This is India. We can not dream of a Chopper. More over, no one is sure of a chopper. Many leaders died in chopper accidents including two chief ministers. There are no account for others. It is better to die on ground than in a chopper crash. Some times bodies can not be claimed. Now what will happen to our friend?

Sri Kant. Some Baba once told me that the person who is bitten by the dog must bite the same dog with in four hours. Then nothing will happen to him. He will be safe. Just some iodine application will do.

Laxman. How do we catch that dog now?

Sri kant. Any how , we can not expect an ambulance to arrive within next 18 hours. We must catch the dog some how. Look Yadiah. Please wait here. We shall catch that dog and bring it here. It has run away towards Dilsukhnagar. I am sure it is there only. There are many female dogs at Dilsukhnagar. It likes their company. Yadiah, when we bring the dog, you must bite it well with all teeth. Be ready.

Yadiah. Please do it fast before I get rabies. My teeth are also itching. I have to bite some one soon. Grr..Grr..raa..raaa..grrr.

( Laxman and Sri Kant go in search for the dog. Entire conversation is heard by Patel and Gandhi. )

Patel. Bapu. Have you heard? Is it true that the man must bite the same dog? Who was that Baba?

Gandhi. How do I know? There is no dearth for Babas in India. Every third guy is a Baba here. They build Ashrams, hold meetings and give discourses and charge money for various rituals like washing feet, bowing and blessing. In future they shall charge fees for smiling at them.

Patel. Forget about Babas. Enough problems they have created to the nation. Bapu, you are highly learned. You are called Mahatma. You say that you are a master of everything. You also wrote a book titled My experiments with truth. Have you not conducted any experiments on this aspect? You could have read in Ayurveda shastra.

Gandhi. This is nonsense and is not written in it. My experiments were of different type. Shall I tell what they were? Have I become Mahatma for knowing these things? You are a silly guy.

Patel. Please do not narrate your experiments. They are embarrassing to even listen. Keep to yourself. Then how did he say that about biting the dog.?

Gandhi. Go and ask him. He is a mad guy. Those constables have already gone to catch the dog. Do you think they can catch the dog? These guys have not seen that dog. There are thousands of dogs in Dilsukhnagar. How they would catch that dog? Any how, it is their head ache. Why we should worry?

( In the mean time, some TV staff arrive at the scene. They are Geetha and Ramu. )

Ramu. We are from .. Althu falthu ( Insignificant) TV channel. There have been many dog bites in this area. We like to interview the person who was bitten by a dog here. We are specially deputed( looks at Gandhi). Are you bitten by the dog? You appear to be so.

Gandhi. Not me. Thanks for asking. I am safe.

Ramu. ( Looks at Patel) Are you the victim?

Patel. Surely not. I do not want to be too.

Ramu. Then who is the guy suffering here?

Yadiah ( In faint tone) It is me Bhai. Bachao. I am the victim.

Ramu. Look Geetha, please interview him. Be fast.

( Geetha hands over mike to Yadiah. It makes sqeeking sound.. kee..keee..eee…ee..ee..ee..).

Geetha. ( blows air into mike) phu..phu..phu.. Mr Yadiah. I am sorry that the dog has bitten you. Where it has bitten you sir ?

Yadiah. On my leg madam. It can not bite on my head. Dogs usually bite on legs. It is paining.ee..ee…e.eeeee

Geetha. One thing is established that dogs usually bite on legs because people walk on legs. Like animals if they walk on feet and legs, dogs can bite on hands also. Can you tell me which portion of the leg?

Yadiah. It is slightly above the ankle. It is difficult for them to bite at thighs.

Geetha. That is fine. Second point is established that dogs invariably bite below knee levels. Was that at the front portion of the leg or at the back side?

Yadiah. It is on the sides.

Geetha. Did the teeth enter the flesh?

Yadiah. Then where will it enter Madam?

Geetha. Third point is established that when a dog bites, its teeth enter flesh. It can be concluded that it can bite at any portion of the leg . But it prefers to bite on softer side. Did the teeth reach the bone?

Yadiah. I do not know. Doctor has to tell.

Geetha. It is also concluded that a doctor has to be called to examine the victim and also a veterinary doctor to examine the dog if it is caught. The doctor has to be MBBS.

Geetha. How many teeth have entered your leg?

Yadiah. I have not counted.

Geetha, Do you know the number of teeth in a dog?

Yadiah. How do I know? I have better things to do in police force. I even do not know how many teeth I have. hee..hee. You ask silly questions.

Geetha. These answers are very important to us.

Yadiah. No one has time to count teeth of a dog. We have no time to even have food. We are in police force.

Geetha. OK relax. Now tell me what was the color of the dog?

Yadiah. I think it was light blue.

Geetha. How can be a dog blue?

Yadiah. I think it was dark blue.

Geetha. It could be black. In your fear you thought the dog to be blue. It may be possible that a man gets color blind after a dog bites. Now tell me some more. Did the dog have hair on body.

Yadiah. (Getting irritated) If the dog did not have hair, I had. Eee..eee.. Its body was looking like glass.

Geetha. Oh that means it was shining well. It is also confirmed that hairy or hairless dogs bite people. Please do not get annoyed. . Now tell me Yadiahji. Was it a dog or bitch?

Yadiah. We call everything as a dog.

Geetha. How can it be? Male animal is called a dog.

Yadiah. I did not see in detail. It was behind me.

Geetha. What was your reaction when the dog bit you?

Yadiah (Gets upset) I danced in joy and sang. I laughed too. I said thank you doggy for biting me. I can stay at house for some days. Please bite me more and more ..ee..eee…eee…ooo..aa..aaaaa….

Geetha. Please do not get annoyed. Now tell me whether it had a long tail or pig tail?

Yadiah. (Pulling his hair) It had long tail, two feet long and one inch in diameter. Tail was pointed at the end. I think it had two tails.

Geetha. How a dog can have two tails? I think you were greatly scared. Was it straight or curved?

Yadiah (Getting upset and screams) The tail was in the shape of a spiral.

Geetha. Was it like a clock spring? Or was it an involute? Was the spiral downwards?

Yadiah. I have not seen a clock spring. I do not know what is involute. I have not done engineering.

Geetha. Why? Now every nut gets an engineering seat in the state of AP. Thanks for reimbursement of fees by government of AP. The guy who fails in EMCET ( entrance examination for admissions in engineering) also can get a seat in any shitty engineering where they do not have faculty, books, magazines, Journals, proper Principal or labs. They give seat for fees even lesser than govt fees. Hee..hee.. It is strange you did not study engineering although you are from AP..Engineering education is the greatest joke in AP and a slap on the face of engineers in AP.

Yadaiah. Why police needs engineers? They want people who can not reason out. They want people to follow orders… mere robots. They should know only one word. YES SIR.Jee Huzur,, Haazir hoo Janab. Kya hokum hai.. Mere bap..

Geetha. It is OK. Why worry about engineering? Now tell me about the tail. It can not be like a helical or torsion spring. Now tell me Yadiahji whether it has standing ears, stiff ears or hanging ears.

Yadiah. (Crying) Now leave me. It is enough. It had one ear drooping and other one up right.

Geetha. Now I understand. It must be a cross breed between Alsatian and Labrador or Cocker Spaniel.

Yadiah. I do not know what breed it was. For me, all are bloody dogs. It was Kutta or dogs breed.

(In desperation, he takes a stone and hammers his own head) Kill me.. Kill me guys. If you do not go, I shall bite you now...Rrrrr..rrr..rrrr…rrrr

Geetha. I think he is getting affected by the bite. He says he will bite. (Moves slightly far)

Patel. Madam. Enough of it. I think you must stop asking questions. You are a silly woman. Better go away before people hammer you black and blue.

Geetha. Sir. Now only few questions are left. This is our job. Whole world is watching us. Truth has to be brought out. Whole state is watching the live show. Mr Yadiah, please tell me whether it had all the four legs.

Yadiah. I think, it had only three legs. Two legs in the front and one at the back. It had a horn also on the fore head . It was not limping. It was a special one.

Geetha. Oh I see. Has it a horn? I think it belonged to the group of unicorn. Strange indeed! This dog must be unique in the world. It should not be killed at any cost. It must be sent to a zoo.

Gandhi. Yeah..Yeah. India is the first country to have Unicorn dog. Hip Hip Hurray.Patel, Did I not say that we are great people and our country is very great?

Yadiah. Not the dog, Madam you must be sent to zoo.You…stupid woman. Watch out.

Geetha. Why me?

Yadiah. You are a mad and crazy woman from TV channel. I have not seen a woman like you. Are you an interviewer or clown? When I go home, I shall break my TV. I shall come to your house and break your TV too. I shall break TV sets of my neighbors. I shall break TV sets in entire market. Shame on you? You are special one. So, go to a zoo. Mir Alam zoo is waiting for you. Ohfo. It is also is named after Nehru sahib. It is called Nehru zoological gardens. After all everything has to be in the name of Nehru family only..Is there any anti rabies vaccine named after Rajiv Gandhi in AP? This is because everything in AP is named after that poor guy. There is a cage ready for you madam. Run.. run.. You idiot or I shall bite you to shreds. Grrr..Grrr ( He pounces at the TV crew.)

(The TV crew runs away from the scene shit scared and Yadiah runs after them throwing choicest abuses and shouting Bow.. wow.. wow... The remaining police men run to catch him)

Laxman. Come back, you clown. Return.

Yadiah. Never and never. I shall teach them a lesson. Bow . wow..wow.

Gandhi. Patel. Bahut Maza aagaya ( We enjoyed greatly). Have you heard the interview of TV crew fully?

Patel. Why not? These guys are like this only. Every interview held after any incident will be like this. haa..haa.. They are specimens and jokers of first order.

Gandhi. It is their bread and butter. They have to survive in this dirty world. They are paid for it. The traffic has not cleared yet. We have to sleep here only.

Nehru. So be it. But some dogs may bite us.

Patel. We are not police men. They prefer police men and municipal office personnel for biting.

Patel. Haa..haaa..heee..hee

Gandhi. Ho..hoo.Hoo..Hoo. I shall tell you a trick. When a dog charges at you, sing Ramdhun. It gets pacified. It will wag its tail and lick your hand. I am sure about it.

Patel. During partition days, people sang Ramdhun. Even then they were killed in thousands by Pakistanis. Ramdhun did not work then. You were shot dead by Godse while you were preparing to sing Ramdhun. It will not work now. It is said that you uttered.. Ram Ram after Nathuram fired at you point blank with his pistol. Yet, there was no response from Lord Ram. You died on the spot like a lame duck. In future too, it will not work for politics. Dogs will bite whether you sing or do not sing Ram bhajan. After all, they are dogs. Same is the case with our enemies.

Gandhi. I do not subscribe to your theory. Keep watching. Let the dogs charge at me and watch me singing Ramdhun. The dogs will become lambs.

Patel. Bapu. Better climb this stone first before you attempt any thing.

( Gandhi climbs a large stone kept at the island and starts singing Ramdhun and suddenly few dogs appear at the scene and shout bow .. bow.. wow. Gandhi retracts and throws a small stone at them. Dogs become furious and fall on Gandhi trying to bite him. Gandhi sings Ramdhun still louder and the dogs get wild. Patel quickly shoes them out with Bapu’s stick. They run away, but watch from a distance barking. )

Patel. Bapu. Have you seen now? Better stop singing and keep quiet.

Gandhi. You are true. I have to close my mouth. These dogs do not like singing Ramdhun. Probably they do not understand Hindi.

Patel. I am always true Bapu. Lesson learnt is that Ramdhun does not deter dogs from biting in whatever language you sing.

( The trio and others sleep at the island at the crossing at the feet of the devil statue while police men struggle to clear traffic. Laxman and Sri Kanth are still searching for the rabid dog in the dirty lanes and at dust bins at Dilsukhnagar.)

CURTAIN FALLS