Thursday, May 21, 2009




Prof Dr Colonel K Prabhakar Rao ( Retired)

( Gandhi, Nehru and Patel are seen walking on the road in Hyderabad city at Bashirbagh and that is area is also now known as Babukhan Estate.. The road is busy with all types of strange vehicles and autos moving pell mell. Even farm tillers are snaking through traffic with grass in the body. Small kids are seen running on the road trying to clean wind shields of parked cars at signal posts and demanding money. Some one is selling sunshades for the cars. Some handicapped beggars are also seen pushing themselves along side the cars and asking money. It is a pathetic sight and actual India is reflected there. There is no traffic police around and none is bothered for walkers on the road. A cop is seen at a distance writing challan against a motorcyclist. Suddenly the sky gets over cast and there are sudden flashes with cracking explosions of thunder following. People run here and there and within moments there is a down pour and hell breaks loose. Gandhi and his friends run to a small tea stall at a corner)

Gandhi. What a relief from the terrible heat? I was getting mad indeed. In 1948 it was not like this any where in India.

Patel. Bapu! Now sin has increased in entire world. India is no different. With increase of sin, gods punishments also would increase. These climatic changes are punishments of God.

Gandhi. But the local chief minister Reddy says he is giving the state the rule of God. There are rains due to his rule that he claims and during Naidu’s rule there were no rains and famine was regular affair. Very soon he would claim that people are breathing air by virtue of his rule. Hee…hee.. strange guys indeed.

Nehru. ( Laughs) Haa..Haaaa..heee….heeee.. hooo..hooo. ( Does jig singing)

Haa..haa..haa.. It is a nice show by my congress
Others however failed to win and impress
Reddy would again would climb the coveted throne
While Americans bomb Pak with their Drones

Hee….heee..heee….It is only congress
And hooo…hooo,,,,hooo… others are only mess
Haaa…haaa..haaa ..Others did not impress
And ou…ou….ou They lost their even dress

Patel. Why are you laughing and singing funny songs Jawaharlal? Did Bapu say any thing funny? Why are you getting excited? What is so big if congress won?

Nehru. No,,,no.. Reddy is from Congress party. He has done a god job. It is my party. See what happened in these elections? He got many seats. He is again forming government. Next five years see what happens? ( Does jig)

Patel. What can happen? Leaders will simply make money and make up expenditure of this election. What you said is not true.They shall swallow and swindle with both hands.Making money would be the main business for them now. There will not be any check on them. In fact, Congress lost many seats and Naidu came up with 90 seats much more than what he had after the last poll debacle. Congress just scraped through. If that funny TRS and Communists were kept away by Naidu , he would have made it. Just a bad luck. TRS and Communists let him down. Reddy got good seats for parliament.Infact it is not the victory for congress in state. They scraped through. Next time they would be thrown out lock stock and barrel.

Gandhi. Naidu must learn a lesson from these elections. He does better if he keeps away from these squirrel and Madagascar Lemur like unsteady TRS and Communists and has his own manifesto and good candidates.He should stop abusing other leaders. People still have great faith in him and in his abilities. Only thing is he has to rise above cheap political gimmicks and abuses and finding faults with others and make concrete contributions. The cinema tricks will no more work. See what happened to Chiranjeevi the mega star. He has been road rolled. Only break dances and twists of hips and groins will not get votes. The word Maha kootami itself was sounding evil. Usually kootami word is used for evil groups of people. Generally it is not used for good organizations. People were not impressed. They should have used Maha Sanghatan instead of Kootami that indicated evil men. I do not know who advised them. There are strange men in Naidu’s party.

Patel. Good. The TRS and communists are finished with these elections. TRS is however a local sore on ass and is a trouble. Now TRS has no place to go. Before election results were out, the TRS chief ran to BJP rally in Punjab and bowed to Adwani. Now Adwani is in back in his own seat and where he will go? Has he face to go to Congress? They will not allow him to come close and would shoe him off at the word of TRS. Now Telangana demand will be shelved for next five years. Look! Communists did bad everywhere.Now TRS surely would disintegrate...haaa....haa

Bapu. What could be the reason Patel for communist’s failure? (scratches his bald head) Look Patel! Now a days I am scratching my head much and severely. The local water supply is very bad.

Patel. Bapu. Scratching is the birth right of bald men every where. See I am also bald. These communists, if you ask me are no communists. They have diluted the theory of Communism. Marx and Lenin must be beating their chests in heavens desperately and crying for these failures and cursing these men. Like any opportunists in politics they change their policies and are trying to topple those who rule. It is their manifesto. It looks like that. Even in Bengal, they fared so bad. Take a look at the way Communists faced agitation against Tata Nano plant. Look at the way they withdrew from the government at center. Look. Now they are running after them. They are begging that they would support the congress. Once they said their candidate could be the PM too after elections thinking that Congress would collapse. They are also in musical chairs for PM post. Look Bapu, How Somanath Chatterjee stuck to his chair inspite of being a staunch communist for decades. Chair is very important. With chair also one gets perks and money. Why should he loose all the pomp and show. At that time Communists did a good thing by packing him off. Who does not like that? Like any party, they are running after chairs. People are completely fed up of them. They are no more red. They have been taught a good lesson.. hee…hee…heee.. hoo..hoo…haaa..haaa..ou..ouu..ou ( Does jig)

Communists are over now
They like to survive some how
They are like any nut in the murky game
By any means they want some fame and name

Bapu.. hee..heee..hee.. Well said Patel. I am impressed by your talk. Infact you should have been the PM of India after independence. I made a mistake then

Patel What is the use Bapu, by all this talk? At that time you ditched me and made Nehru the PM. It is over and history now. You have started dynastic rule. You are responsible for all the present ills. Don’t you think.

Bapu. True( Wipes tears with Dhoti)( He takes a stone from foot path and hammers his own head crying) Why I gave freedom to these guys? Why I gave freedo to these guys?…aaa…aaa..eee…eee..

Nehru). Bapu. Plesae do not cry. Why this talk now and generate bad blood? Did I ask you to make me PM?

Bapu. No. But I thought you would make a better one.

Patel. That means was I bad? What is this Bapu? How could you do this and say too?

Bapu. I have no words. All was over long ago. It can not be undone.

Nehru. Bapu. I am having serious head ache. I want to go back to the room

Bapu. Are you so weak Jawaharlal? You must be thick skinned if you want to be a political leader. Look at our present congress leaders. Earlier during our time, with little criticism guys used to resign. Look now. They keep hanging to the chairs and positions without shame. That is what required now ( sings loudly doing a jig)

Leaders should be completely shameless
And also must have thick and rough hide
They must laugh off everything and giggle
To mount the power horse and ride

Patel. Haa..haa…haa.. That is nice Bapu. Jawaharlal! Did you hear the song of Bapu? Do not get irked up. It is part of the game.

( In the mean time lot of water starts flowing on the street after a great downpour. Gandhi , Nehru and Patel start walking on the road in water and they are walking in knee deep waters)

Gandhi. What is this? With little rain, whole area is flooded. We can not know what lies in front of us.. Let me prod with my stick, ( tries to pod and suddenly his leg falls in to a big man hole and Gandhi slips into it)

Gandhi. Eee…eee.. aaa… aaaa. Bacho. Bacho… I am falling down… Please help. I am going friends...bye..bye

( Patel and Nehru try to hold Gandhi and Gandhi is swept down into the man hole. Suddenly there is silence and water is gushing through like normal as if nothing happened. Many guys gather there and shout slogans… down with municipality.. down with Reddy the CM. Patel and Nehru look aghast at disappearing of Gandhi in man hole. In the mean time a municipal van and police van arrive with sirens blaring)

Inspector of police. What happened? Who fell into man hole?

Patel. Our Bapu, My Bapu, Your Bapu. Has fallen into this hole. I do not think you can find him. What type of municipality is here? Why there are no covers to the man holes? Eee…eeeee…aaaa… Bapu Mera Bapu… where have you gone ?

Sanitay Inspector. I think some thieves have taken away the iron covers that we kept. Any how we will find him

Patel. You may find his dead body in Moosi river if it goes out clear.

Sanitary Inspector. True. What you will do if you are in my place?

Patel. I would have hanged myself to the nearest light post.

Police Inspector ( Lauhhs) haa…haa..haaa.
( In the mean time news paper reporters and TV channel reporters arrive with cameras)

TV Reporter. What happened? Who fell down? How he fell? Where he fell? When did he fall?

Patel ( sings doing a slow jig)
Bapu fell inside.
It was 12 noon
He slipped and fell
Looking at the day moon

TV Reporter. What were you doing when your friend fell in to the hole?

Nehru. We were looking at the hole sucking him. We tried to hold him. But he was sucked in.( Cries) eee,….eeee… Bapu

Inspector, Do not cry. We shall find the body soon in Musi River.
Sanitary Inspector. Let us try.

(The municipal staff and Nehru and Patel jump into van and they along with police van drive to Amber pet to look into Musi river)

(It is Amber pet at the outskirts of city where all filth from city is left into Musi River. The police and Municipal teams get down the vehicles and look into the dirty river. Lot of water is flowing.) Suddenly they find an iold bald man sitting on a large stone in the center of dirty water flowing)

Patel. That is Bapu, our Bapu, your Bapu. He is there safe and sound… ( He claps at waves at Gandhi and does a jig singing)

Look at my Bapu
He is safe and sound
He is sitting on the rock
With him you find a German hound
Bapu has escaped death
And he is alive there
God has been kind
Now all is fine and fair

( Gandhi can not listen to the shouts of people and looks other way. The entire area is stinking with night soil around and even municipal workers hate to get into the waters to get Gandhi.)
Patel. Why don’t you go and rescue him from that place? If water level rises he will be swept off.

Inspector. Come on guys . Please go and get him.
( With great reluctance the municipal guys enter the dirty water an wade through the night soil pools and reach Gandhi)

Worker. Oh Old man. How long you will sit there? Come down and follow us.

Gandhi. I am happy here. Please go away.

Worker. You can not sit here. There is great danger. Soon darkness would be there. Lot of water snakes will be here in night.

Gandhi. They are not as dangerous as human beings. I am happy here. Go away

Worker. Please behave. Come down or else I have to drag you down.

Gandhi. That you can not do.
( the worker reaches the rock and tries to catch Gandhis foot and Gandhi kicks him hard and the worker falls into pool)

Worker. Chee..chee.. What a shit here. (He gets up and runs back)

Inspector. What happened? You came alone.

Worker. The guy refused to return. He kicked me too into water. Look at me . How dirty I am? (Sings and does a fast jig)

Look at me you guys.
I am soaked in night soil
Yet I am undeterred and brave
My efforts none can spoil
I shall bring the guy
And prove that I am a man
You may laugh at me
I am no less than Peterpan.

Inspector. Enough of singing and go and get him.

Patel. Look my dear friend. Next time you go to him, sing Ramdhun and I am sure he will follow you.

( The worker again wades through the pool of dirty water and goes to Bapu who is till sitting there and looking at sky)

Worker. Mera Bap. Please come down. Plesae have pity on me. My promotion is at stake.( Sings) Raghupathi raghava Raja Ram… aa.. Pateetha Pawana seethe am.. eeswar allah tero namm. Sab ko sanmathi de Bhagwan… Bolo…

( Gandhi looks surprised at the worker and bursts into Ramdhun. Suddenly he slips down into water and is covered by filth. The worker helps him to rise and takes him to the bank where every one greets Gandhi)

Patel. Bapu. Bachgaye.. How did you survive?

Gandhi. I was sucked into the pool. The moment I got drowned, I stopped my breath and I know Yoga. I held on till I came out of the pipe.

Patel. You are lucky Bapu. Till date none has survived who fell into man hole. That is Hyderabad Municipality’s Guinness record. You broke it. Now you must enter into a new record for surviving in Hyderabad municipal pipes full of shit.

Nehru. True. Bapu deserves it.

Patel . Bapu. Wait. I am just now ringing up the secretary of Guinness records and giving details of your feat ( He rings up on Inspectors mobile phone).. Bapu. Lucky. I got him and he has awarded you the record. You are now record holder for a new feat in world. They call it shit survival record.

Nehru. Bapu. You may even may qualify for a national bravery award having survived the ordeal.

Inspector of Police. I may also get police medal for supervising your rescue. I am due for promotion as Deputy Sp.

Sanitary Inspector. I shall get promotion and national award for good work for locating Bapu in the midst of Musi river.

Worker. I shall get promotion as supervisor and meritorious award too. I rescued Bapu from shit.

Gandhi. That is fine. All of you deserve these awards and I shall pray for you.

Inspector. Come on let us go. I have to take Bapu for some medical examination before press speaks to him.

Gandhi. OK let us go. Let all of us sing Ramdhun

Worker. I am a Muslim. How can I sing Ramdhun?

Gandhi. You pray to Allah.

Worker. That is fine.( He shouts Allah Oh Akbar)

(All of them sit in vans without cleaning themselves and travel to the Osmania hospital where Gandhi is taken to the OP for medical examination. A doctor approaches him there. He is shocked to see Gandhi in such pitiable condition)
Doctor. Eee…eee.. Chee..cheee. Who has brought him here is such filthy condition? Take him away. Clean him up first. This is a hospital not a latrine.
Gandhi. Never mind doctor. I cleaned public toilets for years that were dirtier than my condition now. At that time most probably you were in previous birth. Did you go to any II class railway bogie ( Formerly third class )?. Did you go to any toilet in cinema theater? Did you go to any road side urinals? You see real India there. What we see India in five star hotels is not real India. What I said now reflects real India. Our values. Our style, our discipline, our habits, our commitments to remain filthy, our apathy towards cleanliness and environment, our styles, our ignorance, our neglect, our progress and culture are reflected there. Is it clear?

Nehru. Bapu. Why that now?

Doctor. ( Holds his head) Oh shit. What a guy? But I can not examine you in this state. Come on guys . Take this man and clean him up in the bath room well. Bring him back him then.

Gandhi. That is Ok as you say .
( Gandhi is taken to bath room by ward boys and they return immediately)
Ward boy. Sir. There is no water in bath room. How can we clean him?

Doctor. Ohfo. What a place indeed?

Gandhi. Look boy. I told you the reality just now.

Doctor. Better you keep quiet old man. You are getting on my nerves. You gave me such a long lecture just now.

Gandhi. Hee.hee…hee. You must have patience to listen first as a doctor. By the by, are you a donation doctor or a merit admission one in MBBS course.

Doctor. How does it matter? I have MBBS degree

Gandhi. I am only asking you whether you got admission in medical course through management seat or through counseling.

Patel. That is fine. Bapu is scared that quacks are now on the streets now. The medical education has fallen, The standards are very poor. Some of the guys can not administer intravenous injections. They can only poke under the skin. For other injections they look at the nurses who are better trained in practicals. He is scared. Please do not mind.

Doctor. That is OK. I got MBBS seat through counseling and I am a merit student.

Gandhi. I am obliged sir.

Dctor. Tanks sir. But I can not examine unless you are cleaned.
( In the mean time, the ward boys get three buckets of hot water and take Gandhi to bath room. They wash him up while Gandhi screams)

Gandhi. aah. .aah.. it is too hot… aa…Margaya.. Bacho
( Gandhi is brought out in hospital clothes and is made to lie on a stretcher. The doctor examines him and declares him fit)

Doctor. I am surprised how he survived after getting drowned for three hours.

Gandhi. I know the art of staying under water for hours. This was known to Duryodhana in yore.

Doctor. Great. Impressed.

( The doctor declares him fit and thanks Gandhi for cooperating and for not giving further lectures. In the mean time, the press guys and TV reporters arrive)
Press guy. Who is this Gandhi who got the world record just now.

Gandhi. I am he ( sings)

I am Gandhi the he
I am also the Gandhi bald and bold
I made history just now
Now my name can be easily sold

TV reporter. That is fine piece. You appear to be a good poet.

Gandhi. In India poets are easily born. Many characters have written some cock and bull and they are elevated as great poets and poetess. No names please. Skeletons shall roll out of cup boards..heee…hee…hee
Press guy. Look Bapu. Tell me any thing you remember in the pipe you were drowned.
Gandhi. That was funny. The moment I fell in I closed my mouth and stopped breath and held on for hours. I kept my eyes closed too. After nearly three hours of travel I cam out. N between all nonsense was flowing over me, aside me, on me, and under me. There was nothing but shit and shit around. I opened my eyes only after coming out.

TV reporter. That was great and you really deserved the award. By the by, why you call yourself as Gandhi

Gandhi. What do you mean? Am Gandhi, Gandhi and only Gandhi. None else.
Press guy. But you died years ago at the hands of Godse. I read in a book

Gandhi. Why do you remind me about Godse? That was long time ago.( Holds his stomach and chest) Ohfo. It is still paining. Godse put many bullets into me.

Pres guy. Sorry Bapu. Still we are not convinced.

( The reporters take some snaps and try to go away thanking Inspector)

Inspector. You guys. Why don’t you take snaps of us. Are we fools around? We resued Gandhi from Musi.

TV reporter. Sorry sir. We shall take snaps ( He takes snaps while Inspector giggles)

( The reporters go away. Gandhi looks at others)
Gandhi Patel Shall we also go. I am feeling tired. We have spent lot of time here.

( In the mean time some sweepers of Municipality arrive there and they see Gandhi and congratulate him and ask some Bakshish ( money)

Sweeper. Sir. Give us some money for chai pani. We came from a distance.

Nehru. But what you have done to demand money? This is wrong practice.

Gandhi. Look Patel. Please give them some money.They are poor people.

Patel. OK . Bapu .

( He gives sweepers some money and they thank him and go away and in the mean time four Hizras arrive clapping and singing in typical Hyderabadi Hizra style. They go around Patel and Bapu singing and clapping)

Hizra. Mai Bap. Give us some money. Hayye. Aah..ooh...Haaye.. Kya haal hai.. Marjawwon.. Tere angane me mera kya kam hai.. My aayinaa.. oon..Hayye

( One Hizra come svery close to Patel and tries to hug him)

Patel. ee...eee..chee...chee.. go away

Gandhi ( Laughs) haa...haa.. Patel be careful

( Patel quickly gives them money and they go away clapping)

Patel. Ohfo. What huys ?Bapu. Let us go. It is already late. We can see our episode in news papers tomorrow

Gandhi OK. Chalo

(Patel, reluctant Nehru and Gandhi hold hands and sing Ramdhun and walk away from there)


Dr K Prabhakar Rao


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